It's a State of Mind!!!
However, we find out from the show that Tami filed for divorce in 1998… but Evelyn slept with him in 1999… a couple of times… oh my… I hope I got all these dates right…THE FOOLISHNESS I TELL YOU… the foolishness… but Tami and Kenny’s divorce was not finalized until 2001, according to an article I found written by Damian Bellino, a VH1.com writer.
Phadera has been internally blaming Kenya as being one of the main factors of her divorce… or impending divorce… hecks… like I said… we really don’t know… but it’s funny that Cynthia’s divorce went thru without any hiccups and Phadera’s is sure taking a longtime to come to an close… this is turning out to be one of the longest divorce in Real Housewives history… Just Saying! Check it out…
Once again… if somebody… Phadera… would have dealt with their true feelings internally instead of “faking the funk” they would have been able to truly move pass this because everyone else’s lives have.
The True Essence of Forgiveness
Ladies, forgiveness allows us to move past these negative feelings. By letting go of the damaging feelings that you might be harboring by allowing us to begin our journey to having a more positive outlook.
However, when we don’t truly forgive, we might find ourselves in an unfortunate situation of being stuck in the past… and not ever truly being able to move on with our lives in a more healthier manner… but on the flip side… the one that we feel that has wronged us… has kept it moving while we are stuck in our pasts.
According to the staff on MayoClinic.org, “Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.”
Ladies, in order for you to reach a state of forgiveness or peace and serenity… the Mayo Clinic staff makes four suggestions:
- Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
- Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
- Actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you, when you're ready
- Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life
So, as you begin to let go of your hurt, pain or even your resentment… it will allow you to really begin the healing process by allowing you to stop defining your situation by the negative feelings that you once felt; thus, allowing you to positively and compassionately move forward with your life… because while you are sitting around sulking about in the past… they have moved on in the present… Just Saying!!!
Applying Forgiveness to Tami and Phadera’s Situations
Okay… now… let me circle back to Tami… Phadera… and the topic at hand… Tami truly doesn’t know how to forgive and let go. See, Tami has been harboring these poisonous feelings for so long that she can’t truly move on, but Evelyn clearly has… and Tami really wants us to believe that it is ALL about interviews… now, I am giving Tami the side eye... with the grandma’s peer…
Really… Tami… you want us to believe that it’s really about some dang interviews that Evelyn did in which she only said that you two weren’t really friends… come on Tami… could it really be that your feelings are hurt because she slept with your ex-husband… along with the countless other women that have slept with Kenny… and could it be that it got aired out on television for the world to see? Check it out…
The truth of the matter is… once again, in my opinion… Tami is still really hurt behind the fact that Kenny cheated on her… period! Than to find out that it’s with someone who she is building a Sistahship with… which has really reopened an old wound… and then for this woman to tell her that she wasn’t really a factor in her own marriage… which… based on Tami’s reaction… must have had some truth in it from her…meaning Tami’s perspective… had to really sting.
Going off the clip… It really didn’t matter when Evelyn told her… you know how we always want someone to tell us the bad news at an earlier time… but think about it… what would it had really matter… whether Evelyn told her at the beginning when they met… that night or 5 years later… on down the line… Tami would have still had the same reaction and felt more violated as time went on… because she never truly dealt with Kenny’s countless infidelities… allegedly… during their marriage.
So, over these last four years, Tami has gone from being hurt to being angry about this situation… and the interviews just added further salt to her emotional… and never healing… wound.
See, Tami is too busy trying to be right… as usual in her situations and maybe yours… and trying to get Evelyn to apologize to her… instead of focusing on forgiving Evelyn so she can find peace and start the emotional healing process.
Instead of Tami realizing that if she truly does the emotional and spiritual homework within herself to forgive Evelyn… hecks…even Kenny… she will be taking away Evelyn’s power to continue to hurt her… and continue to say… in her confessionals… that Tami wasn’t and still isn’t a (bleep) factor!
In closing, Ladies, we must learn to forgive others who we feel have wronged us… not for them… but for ourselves. We sometimes confuse forgiveness with a verbal “it’s all good” or a “oh Girl, I accept your apology… we good,” but in all actuality… forgiveness comes from within.
We as women, have all been hurt in some way or fashion by someone we love, trust and hold dear to our hearts. These internal wounds can leave us with long-lasting feelings of bitterness, resentment, irritation or annoyance, anger and even… vengeance or a feeling of wanting to get even… when they aren’t properly dealt with.
In my life, I have oftentimes said I that I forgive somebody, but in my heart… the betrayal was so deep that I truly wasn’t ready or in an emotional state to forgive them. I only forgave them to give them peace of mind or to be cool within the relationship, but I was still harboring hurtful feelings about the situation.
I have found that for me to truly forgive, I must do the emotional and spiritual homework and let go of those negative feelings and thoughts… to truly forgive that person deeply within myself as well as verbally mean it. I found that true forgiveness brings inner peace and allowed me to be in control… not my negative feelings or thoughts… or that person or situation.
Stay Blessed Queens!
|Forgiving Others As I Seek ALLAH's Forgiveness|
Bellino, D. (2016). Who says there are no wives on basketball wives? Here are the wedding photos of all the former and current wives. Retrieved from:
Forgiveness Quotes - BrainyQuote- Retrieved from:
Evelyn Lozada & Tami Roman Revisit The Past | Basketball Wives - Retrieved from: https://youtu.be/B8HyzTdx7-0