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Sunday, April 23, 2017

Soulful Sundays: Forgiveness is not Just a Formality... It's a State of Mind!!!

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you" 

Soulful Sundays: Forgiveness is not Just a Formality... 
It's a State of Mind!!!

As I sit here trying to catch up on all of the ratchetness… called reality television… and trying to figure out what today’s topic will be… I have noticed a common theme… these women don’t know how to truly forgive each other and move on…

Now some may say it’s because they have run out of material… so we must keep revisiting old… drug out storylines… and at first I agreed… but as I analyze the situation more closely, it seems that the reason for these storylines being presented… is not only to boost ratings because we all know drama sells… but these women have not truly forgiven each other and constructively dealt with whatever betrayals they feel another has inflicted on them.

It’s ironic… that it seems like their “fake” realities have somehow intertwined with their “real” realities and these women are having a hard time getting past these bumps in the road…

Ladies, have you ever been so mad or hurt about a situation in which you felt that somebody wronged you or even hurt your feelings? 

Think about it… in this moment there are a flood of feelings flowing through you… you know what I mean… you go from being mad, hurt, resentful or even sad… and at this point you are entitled to these feelings… but if you stay in this state of mind or hold on these negative feelings about the person/situation… how can you truly have peace of mind and move on?

You may feel that you have forgiven and may have even said to the other party that you forgive them, but if you haven’t truly faced the problem… so you can truly heal… and opened your heart to truly forgive… you might find that old wound being reopened… later on down the road… 

Don’t believe me… okay… I will use situations from the recently aired episodes of our favorite reality television shows… First up… Bitter Basketball Ex-Wife of LA… or Miami… hecks… I don’t know… Tami Roman… Let’s begin…

Tami Roman Versus Evelyn Lozada

After leaving the Basketball Wives franchise in 2013… (I believe she was on Basketball Wives Miami and left after Season 5… let me know in the comments section below if I am wrong)… Evelyn went on to Los Angeles to tape her own reality series on the OWN network, have baby and got engaged while Tami was doing her thing… um… don’t quite know what it was… but she did end up back on Basketball Wives LA… where she was brought in as Shaunie O’Neal’s sidekick… anyways…

As Season 6 of Basketball Wives kicks off, we find out that Evelyn and Tami still have beef… okay… it’s been 4 years now people… can we get over it and move on… but it’s over the fact that Evelyn has been doing interviews stating that she doesn’t mess with Tami… on a friendship type level… and Tami is feeling some type of way about this… but in my opinion… it’s much more than a simple interview… Just Saying!

On the flip side… Evelyn is feeling some type of way about how her image is continuously being tarnished because on Season 2 of Basketball Wives she was urged… by executive producer, Shaunie O’Neal… who is always stirring up the foolishness while pretending to be above the nonsense and who was only… in my opinion… thinking about the dollars and not the damages this would cause to Tami and Evelyn’s budding friendship… I would have told her to mind her business… 

So, Shaunie urges Evelyn to tell Tami about sleeping with Tami’s ex-husband Kenny Anderson…which Evelyn claims that she didn’t know this famous basketball star was married… but you run in this circle of athletes… but didn’t know… okay… giving Evelyn the side eye... hecks… I don’t even really watch basketball, but even I knew that… Just Saying!

However, we find out from the show that Tami filed for divorce in 1998… but Evelyn slept with him in 1999… a couple of times… oh my… I hope I got all these dates right…THE FOOLISHNESS I TELL YOU… the foolishness… but Tami and Kenny’s divorce was not finalized until 2001, according to an article I found written by Damian Bellino, a writer

So Evelyn…girl… that proves that they were technically still married when you slept with Tami’s husband… and through all of this mess… the only thing that came out of it was the popular phrase… coined by Evelyn who patented it and also sold shirts with this on it… “You Are A Non Mother-F**kin' Factor, B***h!" That continues to a thorn in Tami’s side… and will be for the rest of her life if she doesn’t deal with the internal feelings she obviously has about this situation and truly forgive Evelyn… thus, moving on… Check it out…

Now… in my opinion… if Tami would have truly worked out her feelings… not with Evelyn, but within herself… she wouldn’t need to continue to hold on to these negative feelings and would be in a better space. Next up… The Fake Housewife of the ATL… yep… I am talking about Phadera Parks…

Phadera Parks Versus Kenya Moore

Now, on Season 9 finale of the Housewives ATL, we find that Phadera is still feeling some type of way towards Kenya and her flirtations towards… ex-husband Apollo Nida… okay… wait a minute… I think it’s… might be or soon to be… or going to be… hecks… with all the lies that are constantly coming out of Phadera’s mouth… we don’t know… 

However, a few things we do know are… she has two sons… remember when she lied about her due date… she’s a liar… oops I mean lawyer… and right now… she isn’t feeling that Kenya Moore… and their situation can be classified as Fake Forgiveness.

Let's play catch up... throughout this season… we were lead to believe… and apparently, Kenya is with us on this… that Phadera and Kenya’s relationship was on the mend… I mean… these two women went on a road trip together, played tennis together… and they even prayed together… but we find out with Kenya’s unplanned… and really not well thought out… divorce party for Cynthia Bailey and Phadera… 

Phadera has been internally blaming Kenya as being one of the main factors of her divorce… or impending divorce… hecks… like I said… we really don’t know… but it’s funny that Cynthia’s divorce went thru without any hiccups and Phadera’s is sure taking a longtime to come to an close… this is turning out to be one of the longest divorce in Real Housewives history… Just Saying! Check it out…

Once again… if somebody… Phadera… would have dealt with their true feelings internally instead of “faking the funk” they would have been able to truly move pass this because everyone else’s lives have.

The True Essence of Forgiveness

Ladies, forgiveness allows us to move past these negative feelings. By letting go of the damaging feelings that you might be harboring by allowing us to begin our journey to having a more positive outlook. 

However, when we don’t truly forgive, we might find ourselves in an unfortunate situation of being stuck in the past… and not ever truly being able to move on with our lives in a more healthier manner… but on the flip side… the one that we feel that has wronged us… has kept it moving while we are stuck in our pasts.

According to the staff on, “Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.”

Ladies, in order for you to reach a state of forgiveness or peace and serenity… the Mayo Clinic staff makes four suggestions:

  • Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
  • Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
  • Actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you, when you're ready
  • Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

So, as you begin to let go of your hurt, pain or even your resentment… it will allow you to really begin the healing process by allowing you to stop defining your situation by the negative feelings that you once felt; thus, allowing you to positively and compassionately move forward with your life… because while you are sitting around sulking about in the past… they have moved on in the present… Just Saying!!!

Applying Forgiveness to Tami and Phadera’s Situations

Okay… now… let me circle back to Tami… Phadera… and the topic at hand… Tami truly doesn’t know how to forgive and let go. See, Tami has been harboring these poisonous feelings for so long that she can’t truly move on, but Evelyn clearly has… and Tami really wants us to believe that it is ALL about interviews… now, I am giving Tami the side eye... with the grandma’s peer…

Really… Tami… you want us to believe that it’s really about some dang interviews that Evelyn did in which she only said that you two weren’t really friends… come on Tami… could it really be that your feelings are hurt because she slept with your ex-husband… along with the countless other women that have slept with Kenny… and could it be that it got aired out on television for the world to see? Check it out…

The truth of the matter is… once again, in my opinion… Tami is still really hurt behind the fact that Kenny cheated on her… period! Than to find out that it’s with someone who she is building a Sistahship with… which has really reopened an old wound… and then for this woman to tell her that she wasn’t really a factor in her own marriage… which… based on Tami’s reaction… must have had some truth in it from her…meaning Tami’s perspective… had to really sting.

Going off the clip… It really didn’t matter when Evelyn told her… you know how we always want someone to tell us the bad news at an earlier time… but think about it… what would it had really matter… whether Evelyn told her at the beginning when they met… that night or 5 years later… on down the line… Tami would have still had the same reaction and felt more violated as time went on… because she never truly dealt with Kenny’s countless infidelities… allegedly… during their marriage.

So, over these last four years, Tami has gone from being hurt to being angry about this situation… and the interviews just added further salt to her emotional… and never healing… wound. 

Basically… Tami has revealed her “Hoe Card” and Evelyn can continue to use this… or anyone else for that matter… hecks… you can even use this against her… to sting Tami when they are having a disagreement or beef… unless she stops being the victim of her circumstances and really deals with this situation or the turmoil brewing with in her… she’s an easy target to get riled up!

See, Tami is too busy trying to be right… as usual in her situations and maybe yours… and trying to get Evelyn to apologize to her… instead of focusing on forgiving Evelyn so she can find peace and start the emotional healing process.

Instead of Tami realizing that if she truly does the emotional and spiritual homework within herself to forgive Evelyn… hecks…even Kenny… she will be taking away Evelyn’s power to continue to hurt her… and continue to say… in her confessionals… that Tami wasn’t and still isn’t a (bleep) factor!

Unlike Tami… Phadera is a type of woman who tells you she forgives you, but truly is harboring animosity towards you… and always wants to be the victim. 

She is the type that is always looking for a way to get even when she feels that someone has done her wrong… in Phadera’s mind… you have done her dirty! 

She's too busy plotting her next move against you… she truly will never forgive you… and missing out on the opportunity to heal and grow from this situation... with these factors in place... this makes a type of person like Phadera… dangerous to be around! 

She’s so bitter and vengeful that she says she accepts your apology, but secretly she still feels wronged and really doesn’t have it in her heart to forgive… at this moment. Therefore, Phadera is unwilling and not ready to do the internal work to start the healing process… and Kenya really needs to accept that and move on… Just Saying!

ejnosillA’s Final Thoughts

In closing, Ladies, we must learn to forgive others who we feel have wronged us… not for them… but for ourselves. We sometimes confuse forgiveness with a verbal “it’s all good” or a “oh Girl, I accept your apology… we good,” but in all actuality… forgiveness comes from within.

We as women, have all been hurt in some way or fashion by someone we love, trust and hold dear to our hearts. These internal wounds can leave us with long-lasting feelings of bitterness, resentment, irritation or annoyance, anger and even… vengeance or a feeling of wanting to get even… when they aren’t properly dealt with.

In my life, I have oftentimes said I that I forgive somebody, but in my heart… the betrayal was so deep that I truly wasn’t ready or in an emotional state to forgive them. I only forgave them to give them peace of mind or to be cool within the relationship, but I was still harboring hurtful feelings about the situation. 

So basically, I was verbally forgiving them on the outside… but on the inside, I truly had not forgiven them… and eventually those feelings festered and I began to feel resentment towards that person. 

I have found that for me to truly forgive, I must do the emotional and spiritual homework and let go of those negative feelings and thoughts… to truly forgive that person deeply within myself as well as verbally mean it. I found that true forgiveness brings inner peace and allowed me to be in control… not my negative feelings or thoughts… or that person or situation. 

You will find that while you are at home plotting and feeling a certain way about a person who has wronged you… those people have moved on and aren’t wasting anytime thinking about you and your hurt feelings… so why should you give them that power over you? So, let it go and get back to living your lives… because they are! 

Remember… Forgiveness is not just a formality, but a state of mind that is intertwined with acceptance, compassion and love which can lift a lot of burdens off of you and your spirits… the true essence of forgiveness is not about the other person… it’s about you… so forgive that person… take your power back and keep it moving… Just Saying!!!

Please leave your comments and suggestions below... and as usual...

Stay Blessed Queens!

Forgiving Others As I Seek ALLAH's Forgiveness


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Blog References

Bellino, D. (2016). Who says there are no wives on basketball wives? Here are the wedding photos of all the former and current wives. Retrieved from: 

Mayo Clinic Staff. (n.d.) Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness. Retrieved from:

Picture References

Ocean Background - Retrieved from:

Quote Reference

Forgiveness Quotes - BrainyQuote- Retrieved from:

YouTube Video References & Links

Evelyn Lozada & Tami Roman Revisit The Past | Basketball Wives - Retrieved from:

RHOA: Was Kenya Moore Disrespectful of Phaedra Parks' Marriage? (Season 9, Episode 18) | Bravo - Retrieved from:

"You Are A Non Mother-F**kin' Factor, B***h!" | Throwback Thursday | Basketball Wives. Retrieved from:

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

If I Didn’t… and I Don’t… Celebrate Easter… So… Why the Hecks am I the One… Cleaning this Mess Up!?!

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"

If I Didn’t… and I Don’t… Celebrate Easter… So… Why the Hecks am I the One… Cleaning this Mess Up!?!

On Monday... my day off to relax and catch up on things while the twins are at school… I found myself dragging to clean up the mess left on my porch and in my yard from visiting neighborhood kids whose families celebrate Easter… with an attitude NO Doubt… because I am tired from babysitting a newborn who decided that he wanted to talk all night… seriously… 

I didn’t get to bed to around 9:00 on Monday morning… and even though I am Muslim and we don’t celebrate the holidays… honestly, I haven’t celebrated Easter in years or really any other holidays except Christmas… hecks… I even stopped celebrating my birthday some years ago… for the life of me… can’t figure out… " If I Didn’t… and I Don’t… Celebrate Easter... So... Why the Hecks am I the One… Cleaning this Mess Up?!?

Sunday, April 16, 2017

RedefiningHERstory Presents: “Da Get Down on Social Media's Streetz”

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"

RedefiningHERstory Presents: 
“Da Get Down on Social Media's Streetz" 

Today's Topics: Muslim Judge Sheila Abdus-Salaam… Found Dead, R.I.P. Charlie Murphy, Janet Jackson’s Divorce, and Kandi Burruss’s Lawsuit?!?

Now... before we get started... “Da Get Down on Social Media's Streetz” will showcase content that discussing trending topics on social media. You know those topics that make you cry or even laugh… or the ones that you mentally classify as being rich people's problems… 

Or the ones that make you say… in your Jay Kyle’s voice… You know… Jay... the mom from My Wife and Kids… okay… this Jay that says… “What Type of Foolishness” is this while shaking your head and thanking GOD for the fact that… you may be poor… or not where you want to be… but at least you got some sense about yourself and if you every get your chance… or hit that dang lottery… you will show those fools!! 

"Da Get Down"... for short... was coined by my lovely twin daughters and their friends... Wow... teenagers can be so creative at times... when you can finally get them off those dang cell phones... Let’s begin…

Friday, April 14, 2017

50 Shades of Gay: Why Doesn’t That Boy Take Those Tight Jeans Off… Before Somebody Gets a Yeast Infection?!?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"

50 Shades of Gay: Why Doesn’t That Boy Take Those Tight Jeans Off… Before Somebody Gets a Yeast Infection?!?

Well, as you all know… I do have a son who is gay… who I love dearly and as usual… I am in my room… minding my own business and guess who… yep… it’s him again… up to no good as usual! NOW… before we even get started… I don’t say this because he is gay… I say this because I know my teenage son and like most teenagers around his age… Yep they and he are usually… UP TO NO GOOD!!! Just Saying!

So, as he… once again… sashayed into my room saying Mommy in that irritating voice… you know that fake one or the one that someone uses… usually when they want something and you can tell by their tone… the way they are saying your name… and behaving all nice and things… that they want something… yep… that one… well in this case… saying Mommmmieeee… all long and just dragging it out…

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Soulful Sundays: Girl... You’re Cute… But What About the Reflection Within?!?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"

Soulful Sundays: Girl... You're Cute… But What About the Reflection Within?!?

The most common item we as women use to examine our outer beauty and our physiques is a mirror. The mirror is used as a refining tool to ensure that our bodily appearance is on point and we are slaying the competition. The mirror allows us to view… than we scrutinize… than we attempt to correct… and some of us repeat this process repeatedly until someone comes in to remind us that it’s time to go and hurry up…. usually a male who doesn’t understand that we must look our best for us to impress… you know what I mean Ladies?!?

This somewhat perfect reflection of our outer selves allows us to worship our outer beauty while forgetting the true beauty that lies within us; or lack thereof. We spend more time reflecting on the blemishes on our faces and trying to cover them up… than spending time uncovering the blemishes that are in our hearts and starting our journey of healing…

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

She-Piphany Moments: ~ejnosillA's "Revised" Facebook Memory

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"
She-Piphany Moments: ~ejnosillA's "Revised" Facebook Memory 
This Facebook memory was shared by a dear friend Tammy W. that was a post of mines that I shared 3 years ago in 2014 in response to my daughter's post... DeLores... Thanks for sharing Tammy!
In response to a post that was shared from Iyanla Vanzant's post about Love is simple and here is her post:
Love is simple. We make it hard with our trappings, expectations and demands. We place limits, restrictions and conditions on our loving and those we love. Love is simple. You simply give love for the sake of love, or you don't!
Here was My Response:

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Soulful Sundays: Girl... You Got This... So, Please Stop Wasting Time Thinking About Him & Move On... He Did!!!

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"

Soulful Sundays: 
Girl... You Got This... So, Please Stop Wasting Time Thinking About Him & Move On... He Did!!!

During my journeys… and as my blog’s popularity grows… I have run into some amazing women from various backgrounds. During our talks and me probing them about what they wanted me to write about, amazingly… regardless of their ethnic/racial backgrounds, ages or social and economic statuses… the main subject that came up a lot was for me to talk about relationships.

Now during these various conversations, we talked about a lot of things… as I did a comedy act while trying my best to keep up with their questions… you really have to catch my live show… coming to your area real soon… no just kidding… The one conversation that really stuck out in my mind were my talks with a group of young ladies about 18 to 21 years of age, who asked me a very significant question: how do I keep a man?

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Soulful Sundays: Why is the Poor, Single Black Mother Always the Blame... What-A-Bout the Missing-In-Action Dads?!?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto You"

Soulful Sundays: Why is the Poor, Single Black Mother Always the Blame... What-A-bout the Missing-In-Action Dads?!?

As I watched the news and videos that were discussing the Miami Facebook tragedy of the little Black girl who committed suicide live on Facebook and the controversy surrounding the missing Black girls in the D.C. area, I was intrigued how the YouTube video vloggers were covering these two stories.  

Before I go any further, I want to send my condolences to the mother who child publicly committed suicide on Facebook and send my prayers out to the family as well as to the mothers and other family members of the missing teenage girls in the D.C. area.  I do recognize that both of these situations are tragic and as a mother, I would be devastated if my child chose to kill themselves rather it be on Facebook or in the privacy of our home… the shock and the horror would be devastating to me.

Friday, March 24, 2017

50 Shades of Gay: Are Young Black Gay Men the New Angry Black Woman?!?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"

50 Shades of Gay: Are Young Black Gay Men the New Angry Black Woman?

I can remember sitting in my room trying to watch television and kept getting interrupted by the angry chatter coming from the room across the hall from me. As the voice got louder and louder while getting higher and higher... than a little bass will come in… but now back to the high pitched sounds… I found myself numerously turning the volume up to drain out the noise and that irritating fake high than low voice when a thought crossed my mind… that boy better shut all of this damn noise up because I am in here minding my own business… trying to watch and can’t hear The Real Desperate House Maidens of the ATL… If I have to rewind or turn up this television one more time to hear Kandi go off on Porshia… somebody… meaning him… is about to get the business!

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Day in the Life of ejnosillA: To See or Not to See... To Cover or Not to Cover… Those are My Questions?!?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"

As a Muslim woman, I am commanded by ALLAH to lower my gaze and to cover up to avoid sinful temptations. Shaykh Muhammad Saalih al-Munajjid, general supervisor of the reputable Islam Q & A website, he described lowering ones gaze or ghadd al-basr (in Arabic), as being the point when one restrains their gaze and does not allow their gaze to wander or dwell upon anything. (You can scroll down to access more information and view a picture of Shaykh Muhammad Saalikh al-Munajjid).

As usual, I have found myself caught between a “rock and a hard” place. See within American culture, it is ingrained in us as youths that you are required to make eye contact or it is perceived as you are being rude, disrespectful or lying. Whereas in Islamic culture, lowering your gaze is a commandment from ALLAH and is a significant part of Islamic laws.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Motivational Mondays- Feeling Disrespected & Unappreciated...It Might Be Time to Renegotiate Your Contract

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you" 

Motivational Mondays- Feeling Disrespected & Unappreciated...It Might Be Time to Renegotiate Your Contract  

Do you find that you are constantly repeating how something made you feel, but feel that your man or significant other is to selfish to take the time out to take your feelings into consideration? Or have you found yourself having to keep reminding your homegirl that she needs to stay in HER lane and mind her business? Or maybe you find yourself constantly buying those hardheaded children stuff that they ask for… I call these ask-a-sentials… you know they are the things your kids ask for or want, but really do not need like essentials… but no chores are getting done around the house? Well… I am afraid dear… that it might be time for you to “Renegotiate Your Contracts!”

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

RedefiningHERstory: Are You “Shifting” Through Your Life? The Double Lives of Black Women in America

"As-salāmu ʿAlaykum," (Peace Be Upon You)


Are You “Shifting” Through Your Life? The Double Lives of Black Women in America

Do you find yourself changing your behaviors based on your socio-cultural groups that you are interacting with? Maybe changing the way you speak or changing mannerisms based on who is in the room? How about changing your outer appearance to fit into these groups? If you answered yes, Girlfriend… You may be “shifting” through your life!

“Shifting” or role-flexing is a concept that was coined by Charisse Jones and Dr. Kumea Shorter-Gooden in their 2003 book Shifting: the Double Lives of Black Women in America or “Shifting” that identifies Black women as being the inferior and marginalized group within American society purposely change aspects of their characteristics to conform or assimilate within dominate group settings and within society as a whole.

Monday, March 13, 2017

A Day in the LIfe of ejnosillA: Now... If I Wear My Hijab... Would You Kindly Shut Up and Sit Down!

"As-salāmu ʿAlaykum,"  (Peace Be Upon You)

A Day in the LIfe of ejnosillA:

Now... If I Wear My Hijab... Would You Kindly Shut Up and Sit Down!

As a Muslim of 6 ½ months, I have found myself in numerous, but friendly conversations about my Islamic beliefs. However, on one particular day at work, I had a conversation with a particular person who can really get on that last nerve… you know what I mean? That one who is... just doing the MOSTEST... as the kids would say!

The kind that regardless of the subject at hand, they want to act as if they know more and give you unnecessary or unwanted advice. You know that type that always has a condescending opinion that is masked as sincere advice, but their opinions are riddled in judgmental double talk and well… you know… hecks… just going to put it out there… STUPIDITY! THE KNOW IT ALL TYPE!!!

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Soulful Sundays: Self-Care is the New Black

Soulful Sundays: Self-Care is the New Black

I know you probably hear the word “self-care” thrown around a lot and when you are a busy woman, finding time for self-care probably sounds as realistic as winning the lottery, it just ain’t gonna happen. As a life coach, I cannot stress enough the importance of finding time for yourself, even if it’s as little time as 15 minutes. One of my favorite quotes is ” you cannot pour from an empty cup,” because it is so true. 

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

What-a-bout-it Wednesdays: A Day Without A Woman… That's Cute and All, but What about My Coins?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," the Arabic greeting meaning "Peace be unto you,"

What-a-bout-it Wednesdays: A Day Without a Woman… That's Cute and All, but What about My Coins?

Yes... Yes... Yes... today’s “A Day Without A Woman” protest is going strong on International Women's Day. How strong you ask? Well, it's the most trending topic on Twitter and Facebook. Now, I too would love a day to sit around and do nothing while pretending that this day will really positively affect how the world would change their views on economic equality for women… but come on…REALLY? 

Monday, March 6, 2017

Motivational Mondays: Inspiring, Encouraging & Empowering Women in Your Life

"As-Salaam-Alaikum" ("Peace be unto You")

Motivational Mondays: Inspiring, Encouraging & Empowering Women in Your Life

We all have women in our lives that could use a little inspiration and empowerment. By us taking the time out of our daily lives and reaching out to these women, we can create an empowering network of support for them. By creating this system of encouragement and empowerment, this would produce a positive atmosphere in which this beautiful lady could realize her dreams and have the confidence to achieve them.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Soulful Sundays: “Whatcha YOU Talking About Girl… You’re a Side Chick Too!?!”

"As-Salaam-Alaikum" ("Peace be unto you")

Soulful Sundays: “Whatcha YOU Talking About Girl… You’re a Side Chick Too!?!”

In my travels throughout my beautiful city and on social media, I have ran across plenty of entertaining… yes I said entertaining… arguments with women fussing about their so-called men. They were either fussing at the other woman, fussing at their man, or on Facebook/Youtube making silly videos threatening other women about their so-called men. Regardless, of the platform these women were just fussing; thus, the inspiration for the topic of the day: “Whatcha You Talking About Girl… You’re a Side Chick Too!?!”

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

RedefiningHERstory: Sexual Liberation of the Black American Muslim Woman

"As-Salaam-Alaikum" ("Peace be unto you")

RedefiningHERstory: Sexual Liberation of the Black American Muslim Woman 

Struggles… you think you have struggles? As a Black American Muslim woman who converted to Islam six months ago, there is a daily struggle to suppress the urges that seem natural to me. See, even writing this post, shucks… thinking about sex has got my lady parts tingling all over and I am trying my hardest to stay still and in control. Ladies, you know what I am talking about.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Motivational Mondays: "Treating Our Sistahs with Kindness"

"As-Salaam-Alaikum" ("Peace be unto you")

Motivational Mondays: “Treating Our Sistahs with Kindness”

As you go about your day, remember to treat others with kindness. See, we as Black women the instinct to be strong is engrained in our DNA and sometimes we rather suffer in silence than ask for help. You never know what a Sistah may be going through… Those agonizing trials and tribulations that we are constantly trying to battle on our own… That plague our very existence.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Cultural Contracts: "Have You Signed One Lately?"

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," the Arabic greeting meaning "Peace be unto you"

Cultural Contracts: "Have You Signed One Lately?"

Cultural Contracts are contracts that we knowingly sign during our intercultural interactions. Hey Ladies, have you ever been in a meeting and you were the only minority in the room and agreed with the decisions that were being made? You just agreed “to go along, just to get along?”… even though in  your heart  you really disagreed, but wanted to avoid the conflict so you just agreed to whatever… well YOU have signed a cultural contract.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

She-Piphany Moments: The Key

"As-Salaam-Alaikum" (Peace be unto you!)
The Key

The Key.
 “Why,” she began to ask, “Why can’t I have my key back?”
  “NO!”  He said in a stern and sarcastic tone. The voice she have heard many times before when discussing particular relationship issues with him. “It’s mine and I’m not giving it back, so please stop asking me!” He said it as if she were bothering him. She continued to ask him and he continued to say “No.”

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

RedefiningHERstory: Racial Microaggressions In The Everyday Lives of Black Women

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," the Arabic greeting meaning "Peace be unto you"

RedefiningHERstory: Racial Microaggressions In The Everyday Lives of Black Women

Hey Ladies, have you ever heard someone say, “You are so beautiful for a dark skinned girl” or “this is my Muslim friend, and she is not a terrorist.” My personal favorite that I get all of the time from White women are: “You are a single mom with five kids, low-income and getting your Master’s Degree? Wow! You must be really smart” or “for a Black woman, you don’t act like the other Black women I see at the grocery story.” These Ladies are subtle examples of racial microaggressions – these are compliments riddled with subtle racist undertones. Did you choose to take the high road like I have often done because I got tired of explaining the same things to these people and chalked it up to pure ignorance? Or did you immediately address it? Whatever the case maybe, Black women are faced with racial microaggressions on a daily basis and here is why.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Happy Valentine’s Day: What is the True Significance Behind This Holiday?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," the Arabic greeting meaning "Peace be unto you"

Happy Valentine’s Day: What is the True Significance Behind This Holiday?

With Valentine’s Day being less than 24-hours away, television commercials, advertisements and social media sources are filled with all types of last minute ideas to express your love to that special one. With so many Valentine’s cards, boxes of boxes of assorted chocolates and a variety of flowers to choose from, this holiday has become extremely commercialized and expensive.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Still to Come on the Season of the Real Housewives of Atlanta - Season 9

"As-Salaam-Alaikum" ("Peace be unto you")

Still to Come on this Season of the Real Housewives of Atlanta -

 Season 9

It looks like our favorite "House Maidens" from the Real Housewives of Atlanta (Season 9) are at it again! As you can see from Bravo's preview clip -Still to Come on this Season of the Real Housewives of Atlanta - Season 9, these ladies are coming out swinging on the second half of season 9. The 2 minutes/31 seconds clip starts off showing the ladies enjoying fun activities together that will unfold as the rest of season 9 progresses... remember the last episode of the first half of the season left off with the ladies on the tour bus enroute to the glamping site and the ladies temperatures were rising. 

My Meeting with Mayor Stothert: A Fair Deal for Low-Income Single Mothers in North Omaha or a Raw One? You Decide!

"As-Salaam-Alaikum" ("Peace be unto you")

My Meeting with Mayor Stothert: A Fair Deal for Low-Income Single Mothers in North Omaha or a Raw One? You Decide!

I was truly enthusiastic about my invitation to be my dad, Bilal Nosilla's plus one to go to a private luncheon to meet with Mayor Jean Stothert on Friday, February 10, 2017 at Fair Deal Café in North Omaha, Nebraska. My excitement was more about spending time with my dad and finally getting to eat at Fair Deal Café than it was to meet the mayor. Now, before everyone gets started and trying to jump down my throat about this being an opportunity of a lifetime, you must understand that spending time with my dad is more important to me than meeting any public official or even a star. Hecks if Chris Brown walked into a restaurant and I was eating some good ole soul food... Chris Brown better keep it moving or Soulja Boy will not be the only one he would be fighting in the boxing ring in Vegas.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Black Female Reality Television: Why Do I Like Reality TV?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum" ("Peace be unto you")

Black Female Reality Television: Why Do I Like Reality TV?

After receiving numerous correspondences about my blog article: RedefiningHERstory: “This is not MY Reality or Black Womanhood,” I was asked an important question: why do you watch reality television? I began to really think about this question: why do I really watch reality television? Could it be because I see Black women on these top rated reality shows (e.g. the Real Housewives of Atlanta, Married to Medicine, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, or Basketball Wives) that look like me and are an inspiration because they have made it? Hey, we all cannot deny that these Black women have a great platform and in that essence, they have made it.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

RedefiningHERstory: The Original Statue of Liberty is a Sistah and Muslim?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum" ("Peace be unto you")

 RedefiningHERstory: The Original Statue of Liberty is a Sistah and Muslim?

It's amazing how much history has been kept from Black and gender studies. WHO would have guessed that the original Statue of Liberty was Black and Muslim! Who would have thunk it? See, the creation of the statue was to commemorate the roles that Black male soldiers, men and women played by ending chattel slavery during the Civil War in the United States. The French government proposed that the people of France should present a present to the people of the United States to recognize the fact that Black soldiers won the Civil War for the United States; thus, the gifting of the original Statue of Liberty. Naturally, she would be modeled after a Black woman... right?!?

Friday, February 3, 2017

RedefiningHERstory: “This is not MY Reality or Black Womanhood!”

"As-Salaam-Alaikum" ("Peace be unto you")

RedefiningHERstory: “This is not MY Reality or Black Womanhood!” 

The mass media’s structure can be categorized as being a racial and sexist system capable of influencing viewers’ philosophies about minorities and their behaviors as well has established, promoted, and manipulated a standard of televised White normalcy for womanhood. Throughout history, White women were viewed as being innocent, passive, demure, pure, and pure; the epitome of womanhood while Black women were viewed as morally corrupt, overly aggressive, brassy and sassy who are hypersexual beasts and were exposed to the same disparaging ideologies, treatment and harsh sufferings as Black men (Dugger, 1988). Our identity is entwined with being Black and female.

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