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Friday, March 24, 2017

50 Shades of Gay: Are Young Black Gay Men the New Angry Black Woman?!?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"

50 Shades of Gay: Are Young Black Gay Men the New Angry Black Woman?

I can remember sitting in my room trying to watch television and kept getting interrupted by the angry chatter coming from the room across the hall from me. As the voice got louder and louder while getting higher and higher... than a little bass will come in… but now back to the high pitched sounds… I found myself numerously turning the volume up to drain out the noise and that irritating fake high than low voice when a thought crossed my mind… that boy better shut all of this damn noise up because I am in here minding my own business… trying to watch and can’t hear The Real Desperate House Maidens of the ATL… If I have to rewind or turn up this television one more time to hear Kandi go off on Porshia… somebody… meaning him… is about to get the business!

Meanwhile across the hall… like I mentioned earlier… my son’s voice had gotten louder and louder and higher and higher until I finally was fed up and angrily yelled his name out so he could come here to discuss what all of this noise is about! As he sashayed into my room and me shaking my head… still popping off nonetheless to whoever was on the phone…  I told him to immediately hang his cell phone up and shut up with all of that racket before I snatch his phone from him and throw it out the window… maybe roll over it a couple of times with my truck then I can get back to my television drama fix!

Moving on… I asked him what’s the deal and what’s up with all of that high pitched screaming? As he explained his long drawn out story of the he said/she said foolishness… while I am looking at him with the side eye using that “grandma's peer…” you know that look that grandmothers who wear glasses give you when they tilt their head down, they aren’t looking through the eyeglass lenses, but over them…

Yep that one… using the “grandma's peer” because in these long drawn out scenarios… he is always the victim… but as I probe and ask more questions… he begins to get more flustered and his story starts to make less sense even to him… now this wasn’t a Black thing, gender thing or even a gay one…  it was a universal thing that transcends color lines and sexual categories… it was a teenager lying to his mother, so he doesn’t have to hear her mouth thing or the telling of “alternative facts or truths" thingy!

As I quickly began to lose interest, in his drawn out… alternative facts…  story, I started to focus in on his mannerism and the tone of his voice. It reminded me of something that I have seen played out on television all the time… You know… what I mean… it was like a media stereotype or typecast that is historically associated with Black women was being portrayed or played out in real life in my bedroom… the Angry Black woman.

Now, this was not the first time that I have witnessed this type of behavior from my son… hecks... it would be easier and more productive for you to ask me how many times he doesn't behave in this manner... if you are wondering and just for the record... I can honestly say that it is far and inbetween. 

Now that I am thinking about it... it seems that all of his friends and/or the Black gay men we see on television… especially, Black produced television shows… always showcase the Black gay man as an angry Black woman.

SIDE NOTE… before we go any further… now… please hear me out before you or anyone else sends the NAACP or the LGBT or any other of them acronyms after me because you think I am gay bashing or being disrespectful towards Black men… first of all… I am only giving my point of view of the things that transpired in my life when it comes to my son, myself and my home… so leave them folks alone and don’t get them all “Hot and Bothered!

I feel I need to reiterate myself... so I am going to say this again... Girl... YES... I'm talking to you... the troublemaker... don't you send them people over here bothering me and make me lose my dang mind... you gonna mess around and get somebody's' feelings hurt fooling with me... I stand by what I am saying and I am not in the mood for the shenanigans... all I am doing is expressing myself and once again... minding my own business! Shucks... this is just a friendly conversation amongst friends... and nobody likes a troublemaker... Just Saying!

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In my opinion… which I have tried time and time again to explain to my son… is that the characteristics that are being displayed, mirror the Sapphire’s televised characteristics which represents a brash, harsh, overbearing, and extremely aggressive Black woman who speaks her mind in a belligerent, sassy and/or confrontational manner.

I continued that… historically, she is known for being deceptive and she is portrayed as always in need of and longing for the company of a Black man who she is especially disrespectful towards him and anyone associated with the Black community.

However, the hidden agenda behind the Sapphire’s true creation was to emasculate the integrity and manhood of the Black man. She is now known as the Angry Black Woman (ABW) or Crazy Black Bitch (CCB) and it seems to me that is who he, his friends and televised “real” or fake interpretations are mirroring.

Why must he or any other Black gay man perpetuate these stereotypical behaviors that were begrudgingly associated with the Black woman? Do they not realize that these misguided idiocies, ideologies and portrayals have plagued our very existence? Do they not realize that they are emulating something that was used as media propaganda to stereotype Black women as hypersexual and inferior beasts… that truly do not showcase the dignified, purely majestic beauty and the true “ESSENCE OF A BLACK WOMAN?” 

Do they not understand that these stereotypes represent her physical and mental enslavement during chattel slavery and the true meaning is to continually keep her in an inferior state? Does he even care… or them?

My son insisted that these behaviors represents who he is and I am screaming to myself on the inside... “STOP LYING!” See, I can only speak on my situation with my son and tell my truths about this sensitive situation. See, he can use this… I was born that way… but that doesn’t fly with me either… See, my son… growing up… did typical boy things that are traditionally associated with the male gender. However, somewhere in there… his behaviors began to change.  Now, I am about to go deep with this… so stay with me…

See, my son had behaviors that can be classified as gay like. My daughter would dress him up like a little girl because she wanted a sister… and that is a blog for another day… but the aggressive and angry Black women behaviors did not come along until he started hanging around other gay Black boys.

He started changing his voice and swinging his pretend hair… do you know how ridiculous that looks for someone to swing their imaginary hair with that hand movement… when they have a brush cut?!? Seriously… it really looks ridiculous! Or a Black man changing his voice to be more girly, but when they go off… that BASS magically appears in their voice?!? I am going to need them to pick a tone and stick with it… shaking my head because of the foolery… Just plain… FOOLERY and RIDICULOUSNESS!


So, he keeps trying to convince me… like I just met him yesterday and somehow forgot those labor pains I felt bringing his Stewie shaped... football shaped head azz in this world… no for real… his head was shaped like a football when he was born and my dad was over there trying to mold that big azz football head into a normal shaped head… Girl, I keep telling you the foolery in my life is ridiculous… but funny!

I kept asking him why he would want to change who he is… meaning… if I were a lesbian… that would not change who I am as a person… my opinions or beliefs… my unique essence… they only thing that would change would be how I sexual view men and women, but the core of who I am… would remain the same. See, I guess I don’t quite understand how ones sexuality changes the core being of who they are?

When I see women imitating characteristics associated with a man, isn’t she really just emulating behaviors that she saw on television, at home or within society? Who was she as a person before this manly transformation? Why must one lose their true essence to emulate something that really isn’t real? Regardless, if men or women make that hard decision to change their sexes… aren’t you still a man or a woman no matter how much your outer mannerisms mirror what you are trying to surgically be? I am not trying to be disrespectful… just trying to convey my viewpoints and my experiences.

Nowadays, modern medicine can change a lot of things that come with a host of side effects. However, they can’t change GOD’s decision so you will still have manly or womanly ways about yourself… in your DNA makeup and your psyche… maybe those are the side effects? 

Well, my son never really could give me a clear answer or gave me any logical information to help me to understand his point of view... just a lot of teenage antics, loudness and double talk. In closing... I really don’t know, but to each his own! Do what you feel you need to do to survive and maintain in this crazy world of ours, because I do…

However, the one thing that I do know is… Today… if that boy and his friends come in here with that high/low voice thang and swinging their imaginary flowing tresses… they are really going to see a real life… ANGRY BLACK WOMAN!!!

If you have any insights, please leave your comments below.

Stay Blessed Queens!

Living my life as ALLAH sees fits while allowing others to "Just Do Them!"


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  1. The post was very funny and I enjoued. Although others may see it disrespectful to the LGBTQA2S+ community you gave us your true life experiencewith your son and I appreciate that! Keep doing your thing Queen!! #Blacksupporter

  2. The most important thing is that you managed to show him what is proper and what is not, when it comes to manners. Being on Facebook so much, I realize how "speaking your mind" seems to trump good manners and etiquette, especially for the younger kids. It's also interesting how TV succeeds in perpetrating certain behaviors as normal e.g the shouting and rudeness towards others. I'm glad you put your foot down, mom.

  3. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. Parenting is tough, especially in these times when society has such a strong influence on the younger generation. Honestly, I think you need a heart to heart talk with your son. Just lay your cards on the table. Who knows, it is only a passing phase. Just my two cents. Hugs!

  4. This is a really interesting perspective. I think points where parents and their children just aren't going to see eye-to-eye are inevitable. I know I had my fair share of those moments.

  5. I definitely think it's hard to form a judgement or even try to say that I think women are trying to emulate men based off what they see in the media or elsewhere. Because I haven't had to experience it for myself. I feel like it's hard for me to understand something or empathize fully without knowing what the true experience is like.
    I say, live and let live. Sometimes, things don't need an explanation. And, if they do, then maybe I shouldn't be the one explaining it unless I truly understand it through personal experience.
    Just my thoughts!

  6. This was a really fun read. I always like hearing about others perscpectives on important things. People can really get upset about dumb stuff

  7. What an interesting read! I enjoyed your perspective on the subject. Hopefully you and your son can find common ground.

  8. Oh wow..this is a good read and nobody needs to call in anybody. As far as I am concerned whoever does not like the piece can comment on another and just move along

  9. I grew up in Florida (WPB) and I remember the year that girls started doing that hair flipping finger wagging thing. I always thought it was ridiculous. I'm sure they got it from a TV show and it just spread like wildfire lol

  10. I hope that by maintaining open communication, you and your son will reach a point of complete understanding. Being a parent is not for the faint of heart.


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