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Wednesday, March 1, 2017

RedefiningHERstory: Sexual Liberation of the Black American Muslim Woman





"As-Salaam-Alaikum" ("Peace be unto you")

RedefiningHERstory: Sexual Liberation of the Black American Muslim Woman 


Struggles… you think you have struggles? As a Black American Muslim woman who converted to Islam six months ago, there is a daily struggle to suppress the urges that seem natural to me. See, even writing this post, shucks… thinking about sex has got my lady parts tingling all over and I am trying my hardest to stay still and in control. Ladies, you know what I am talking about.


You know when your lady parts starts a humming, you pull out that trusty old Black book and see who was going to be the lucky fella that night to make that hum turn into a synchronized duet! Oh yeah, those were the good old days!

I remember getting myself dressed up to go out with the girls to meet up with that special one at the club. Shot… and if he would nut up, there was another who was more than willing to be the flavor of the night. Yeah, love em and leave em. Yeah that’s what I used to do… sing it to me Rick and Tina!

See, I brought this up because there is a strong misconception about me being Muslim and missing out on the fun things that I used to do. But the truth is, I was already celibate before I became Muslim. Please understand that I have gone through the one night stands and the being the other woman. Hecks, I even kicked a few butts every now and again to prove that the “boy was mine!” Yeah, I said it… yep… I let my lust for a boy toy get the better of me and was in the streets acting a plum, dang fool. Out there fighting while he has ran off with the next!

Yeah, those were good old days alright! Leaving out looking like a million bucks and coming back looking like you’ve been ran over by a herd of elephants because of that “boy is mine” mentality. Cutting up in those streets like I didn’t have any home training. As I sit and laugh about my past… yeah I was so stupid then. Fighting and arguing over men that really weren’t mine. Sure, they said they were, but they never put a ring on it. Hell, even the ones that tried, they weren’t worth two tits on a bull. Being with them was like “trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents!”


Anyways… back to reason for this post. As a Black American Muslim woman, abstaining from sex can be a challenge. See, in the United States, we live in a culture that is so sexualized and celebrated that no one told us the dos and the don’ts or the rules of this thing called Black female sexual liberation.

See, if I saw a sexy man and if we were vibing, hecks we were two consenting adults, so what’s the problem? I mean seriously, if someone would sit down an unwrapped tasty chocolate treat in front of a five-year-old child, do you expect him or her not to eat it when they turned their back?!? Yeah… good ole’ sexy chocolate… he sure was a tasty, unwrapped treat!

However, as I went through my sexualized liberated grown woman’s life, I began to realize that even though I had the comfort of many men, I was fooling myself because I was truly alone. I felt empty inside because all of these what-ever-ships weren’t real. See, Black female sexual liberation never warns you of the side effects that it comes with it and most heartbreaking one… like loneliness.

During my sexual liberation, I had to deal with heartbreaks… alone. I had to deal with the long, agonizing pains of childbirth… alone. Raising my Fab Five… alone. Loves ones coming and going… yes ma’am… I had to deal with those life changing tragedies… alone. Yeah I had my homegirls and family, but there is nothing like the warmth of a strong Black man’s arms to comfort you in that time of need. So my Black female sexual liberation lead me to do some soul searching… once again… alone.

When I finally came out of my Black “sexual liberation” grown woman phase, I knew I wanted more. See, I knew that the next time I would feel the hot, steamy touch of a man; I wanted that man to be more than a one night stand. I don’t want to be two ships passing in the night, but a docked yacht that is spiritually and eternally merged together by matrimony.

See, when I made that choice to choose celibacy and concentrate on the other beautiful things that life had to offer, that is when I truly found Islam. Islam is no different from any other monotheistic religion. It teaches women to wait until they are married before they enter a sexual relationship. It teaches women to respect their bodies and with respect of body, a woman can discover her self-worth. See, sexual liberation taught me to have low self-esteem, treat my body like a sexual playground, and if it feels good it’s okay.

Sexual liberation, taught me sexual empowerment, but Islam teaches me to revere and know my value as a Black Muslim Queen. It teaches me that when my lady parts starts to hum that familiar sensual song to tune it out because the utopia that I truly seek is not of the flesh, but the paradise that awaits me if I past this one test.

~ejnosillA

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~ejnosillA