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Monday, March 20, 2017

Motivational Mondays- Feeling Disrespected & Unappreciated...It Might Be Time to Renegotiate Your Contract

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you" 

Motivational Mondays- Feeling Disrespected & Unappreciated...It Might Be Time to Renegotiate Your Contract  

Do you find that you are constantly repeating how something made you feel, but feel that your man or significant other is to selfish to take the time out to take your feelings into consideration? Or have you found yourself having to keep reminding your homegirl that she needs to stay in HER lane and mind her business? Or maybe you find yourself constantly buying those hardheaded children stuff that they ask for… I call these ask-a-sentials… you know they are the things your kids ask for or want, but really do not need like essentials… but no chores are getting done around the house? Well… I am afraid dear… that it might be time for you to “Renegotiate Your Contracts!”

As women, we are faced with many struggles within our lives. Whether it is dealing with the kids, the landlord, or an annoying coworker or just to get out of bed can be a daily struggle within our lives. However, there comes a time in every woman’s life when she must stop, reflect and make that hard or even easy decision to renegotiate her contacts within aspects of her life.

Renegotiating your contracts is a concept that describes a point in a woman’s life when she has had time to stop, reflect and reset or renegotiate boundaries within their lives. As women, we are raised to be strong, but socio-cultural ideologies and customs has dictated that because of our gender, we are supposed to put up with any and everything from others… regardless of how it affects us or our well-being.

It’s a necessary step in each woman’s life for her to take in order for her to take control of her life and her situation. It is an empowering concept that allows a woman to set boundaries and to make others around her respect those boundaries or there will be consequences for violations!

KEY POINTS: You set your boundaries, YOU stick to your boundaries and for those who violate your boundaries… That-A-Girl... YOU GIVE THEM THE BUSINESS!!! Please don’t feel bad about giving them the business because they have been warned and knew of the consequences… now it’s up to YOU to follow through!!!

Renegotiating your contracts is not about them, but about you! YOU are showing the inconsiderate people in your lives that YOU matter and YOU are in control of YOUR life! When you made THEM a priority… they took advantage so … it is no longer about them… but it is all about YOU!!! You got it… now let’s begin…

These contracts can come in many forms, depending on the individual woman and situation, but I will discuss the most common that I hear about on the regular which is: relationship, social and professional contracts.

Renegotiating Relationship Contracts

Relationship contracts can come in many forms and one of the hardest to reestablish because they are used to you not following through with your threats. The most obvious is your personal relationships with your significant other, children or family members, etc. The renegotiation of these types of contracts usually comes when we as women have reached our wits end and have been pushed way beyond our breaking points.

See, you will know it is time to renegotiate these contracts when you find yourself resenting your significant other, your family members – parents, siblings, cousins, etc., or even your own children. You’re tired of feeling like you don’t count and you are being inconsiderately pulled in every direction with no regards to your wants and needs.

For example, your man keeps coming in late night and not taking care of the home or other responsibilities and you keep threatening him that you are going to leave him, but you keep putting up with his foolishness… yep… it’s time to renegotiate that contract! Put his azz out or you leave, but it is time for you to take control of your life!

See, I know that some are looking for the love of a strong, sexy man and some really believe you have found the one, but he keeps taking you for granted. Well Ladies, either he gets his stuff together or YOU must be very assertive about your boundaries and take action… NOW! Give him a few days, weeks… hecks I don’t know… even months in the street while you keep on living your life!

Trust me he will either respect those boundaries or he will keep it moving and good ridding! Either way, you set your boundaries, followed through with consequences and repercussions when those boundaries were blatantly violated… hecks… and even kept living your life and didn’t miss a beat!

Your kids keep getting smart while getting on your nerves and not keeping up with their chores or homework… it’s time to renegotiate your contract! Cut their little, smart mouth tails off! They want to go to the movies and need some money…Nope… I ain’t got none! They need a ride to spend the night over their friend’s house… Nope… cause you don’t have any gas money or can’t afford my Uber/Jitney fees! If they ask for some McDonalds’ or some other fast food… Nope… We got Ramen noodles and hotdogs at home!

Cut their little azzez O-F-F! Now when they get it together… than maybe we can sit down and do a renegotiating of “the can’t get sh** from ME - until YOU change your disrespectful ways and start minding ME - contract!”

Family members keep getting on your nerves and keep asking you for stuff, but every time you need them… they can always come up with 99 reasons why they can’t do, but this 1 time can’t find it in their hearts to do right by you… It’s time to renegotiate that contract! They azzez… CUT OFF TOO!

It may sound harsh but "those are the breaks!" Can't remember who sings that... but you get the jest of what I am saying... We are in a new year... which brings about new things, ideas, dreams and goals... and like Patti Labelle so beautifully stated... "A NEW ATTITUDE!" You have to have a new attitude to obtain your dreams and goals... and right now... our attitude is about cutting off people who aren't a part of the solution, but a part of the problem! Just Saying!

Renegotiating Social/Friendship Contracts

Social contracts such as acquaintances or friends. Now… I know that we as women view and value our female friends as our sisters and they may have earned that ranking, but technically they are not blood related so I will categorize them as friendship or social contracts.

You know as I have grown into different levels of womanhood while experiencing my own She-Piphany moments, I have found that many of the women that I thought we would be friends to our dying days… you know some Thelma and Louise type foolishness… you know the kind that you classified as your ride and die type homegirl or Sistah… but as I’ve grown into different levels of womanhood and matured… those friendships or… now I classify as being what-eva-ships… did not withstand the test of time. 

Whether it is the constant betrayal in your relationship - backstabbing, or the constant two-faced foolishness or she just won’t stay in her lane and mind her own business... 

Or you are growing while reaching another level of your womanhood and they are unwilling to accept or embrace your new, positive womanly transformation… 

Well, it’s time to renegotiate your friendship contract or... simply... just let her azz go too! 

Now, I do understand that sisterly love and bond between friends… the history you two share… the secrets… oh man… the secrets… but real talk… HER AZZ GOTTA GO! 

Believe me… and sadly, I speak from experience… you are better off without her.

Even if you try to renegotiate your contract with these type of women, they aren't worth it because they have shown you time and time again that she doesn’t value you or your Sistah-ship. Right now, it is all about her and whatever bitterness she is harboring for whatever reason. Sistah, it is time. You deserve better than a backstabbing, two-faced snake who has nothing better to do but keep up the messiness and be miserable while trying to keep you from your greatness! 

Let her go and let GOD because you are going to find yourself stooping down to her level and you might mess around and catch a case! So, if you are feeling someway about your friend or acquaintance and it is not a positive one... than it is time for you to make that choice… are you going to hold on and put up with her foolishness… like you always have done or are you going to move on to bigger and better things? 

Now, I am not saying that later down the road that you two can’t reconnect and rebuild that friendship or Sistah-ship, but right now… she means you no good and do you really want or need women like that around you?!?

Like I stated earlier, it was a very hard choice for me… it was worse than an actual breakup with a man because she was more than my friend… she was my Sistah and her presence is surely missed, but I am so much better off that she and her selfish ways are out of my life. I found I can love her from afar and I do wish her the best!

So Remember... misery is always looking for company and right now... you are too busy because you got thangs to do!!! When she gets herself together... than maybe you can renegotiate that friendship/social contract! Until then... Girl... keep it steppin... keep it steppin and don't look back! 

Renegotiating Professional Contracts

The time to renegotiate professional contracts are when you feel you have grown complacent at your job, feeling underappreciated because your boss keeps sleeping on your skills and keeps pushing busy work on you and every moment spent there is like it is draining the life out of you... 
than it is time to renegotiate your professional contract! 

The closer it gets to the time to clock in, the more the feeling of dread and gloom slowly takes over you. You get more disappointed that it is not time to clock out and you find yourself anxiously awaiting for 5:00 pm... so you can finally be free!! If this is how you feel about going to work each day than it is time for you to move on to something new, different and better for you. 

If you are unhappy at your present job, than leave. Come up with a 3, 6, or 9 months exit plan and get on with your life! There is no reason to keep going to this job if it is killing your essence or spirit slowly!

During this time, figure out what you like to do… hecks, you already spent all of this time figuring out what you don’t like to do… so take a chance and get out of your comfort zone! Ask yourself one question: Why do you keep killing yourself and your spirit by keep showing up to a job that is obviously making you so unhappy? 

Realistically, I don’t care who you think you are at your place of employment… unless you are the owner of the company… If you died tonight… Guess What? Tomorrow… it will be “Business as Usual" while your crazy azz will just be dead... trying to make someone else's dreams a reality!” Girl, you better stop that foolishness! Just Saying!

So, my advice would be find something you love to do and do it! For example, I love to research and write about my experiences as a single Black mother of five, relationships, the plight of the Black woman, my transitions into the Islamic fait, etc.

So… I created my own blog/website. I came up with an exit plan, business plan as well as created my website… all on my own… used those researching skills… got me some advertisement sponsors and tapped into the talents of my Sistah Circles and now… I am a brand in less than 2 months and I give all the praise to ALLAH!

Now, renegotiating your contracts can be hard at first, but trust me… it is empowering and necessary step for you to reestablish boundaries and for others to learn to respect those boundaries! You are worth being respected and you deserve it! If you don’t take the initiative or necessary actions required to make others respect you by respecting your boundaries… than who is? Just Saying!

Stay Blessed Queens!

Making My Dreams Come True as ALLAH wills it to be!!!


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