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Sunday, April 9, 2017

Soulful Sundays: Girl... You’re Cute… But What About the Reflection Within?!?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"

Soulful Sundays: Girl... You're Cute… But What About the Reflection Within?!?

The most common item we as women use to examine our outer beauty and our physiques is a mirror. The mirror is used as a refining tool to ensure that our bodily appearance is on point and we are slaying the competition. The mirror allows us to view… than we scrutinize… than we attempt to correct… and some of us repeat this process repeatedly until someone comes in to remind us that it’s time to go and hurry up…. usually a male who doesn’t understand that we must look our best for us to impress… you know what I mean Ladies?!?

This somewhat perfect reflection of our outer selves allows us to worship our outer beauty while forgetting the true beauty that lies within us; or lack thereof. We spend more time reflecting on the blemishes on our faces and trying to cover them up… than spending time uncovering the blemishes that are in our hearts and starting our journey of healing…

Or think about how many times you have found yourself rushing back into the bathroom to fix those strands of hair that won’t lay down… I don’t care how much gel or spritz you put on it… it seems those strands always seems to be out of place… just sticking out for no reason… but how much time have you spent trying to fix those broken relationships that are hanging on by threads... 

Or how much time have you spent spraying water on that crease that just won’t steam out to go hang out with our Sistah circles and shoot the breeze, but we all know that this time should be spent smoothing out the misunderstandings or even mistakes that you have made within your life.

Ladies, we as beings are natural observers and analyzers. For example, we have effectively trained our brains to scrutinized data especially if it’s from our significant others to get a better understanding or find a deeper meaning… 

Check it out… have you ever received a puzzling text from your man when you just had a disagreement and you two have broken up for the umpteenth time… and in your mind… and in my Fred Sanford voice… this is the “Big One!” 

Think about it… how much time… minutes and hours… hecks even days… did you spend going through all the meanings of this one text message… 

Or how many friends did you call to help you decipher its meaning to gain insight and clarity… while all the time wondering if this is the end... or what have I done… what can I do to fix this and get him back?!?

As women, thinking critically is second nature to us, but unfortunately, we never take out the necessary time to critically reflect on our lives or our situations before the drama. 

Taking the time to self-reflect are necessary moments that we must selfishly take to enhance our wellbeing. It is an important part of living a healthy life and cultivating healthy relationships… once again… without the unnecessary drama!

Don’t believe me… I will give you 4 reasons why self-reflection is good for the soul… Let’s begin…

You Must be 100% Truthful with Yourself

Self-reflection requires the truth. When thinking about your life or your situation… you must be truthful… You don’t have to be or you even may not feel the need to be truthful to your man, your kids… hecks… not even me, but I am pretty sure they would appreciate your honesty... I know I would… but you can’t really lie to yourself… you may want to... tried to or even somehow did this… but the truth will always reveal itself… so if you want a true solution than you first must understand that the true essence of the process of self-reflecting is truth.

Before we begin… think about this… self-reflection is the reflection of self… remember the mirror… that is your reflection… but Sistah… I need you… yes you… to go deeper than your outer self… we are dealing with your inner self… so this is not about how we the world see you… but how you see your inner self!

When thinking about your situation… let’s use that text message we received from that man… what did you do to escalate your situation to the point that now your relationship is at risk or what did he do to make you flip out? Now… not what your friends told you after you called everyone you could think of and not what your imagination told you… but the factual truths of what happened… while you think about that… I am going to keep moving forward…

If you really objectively reflect on the truths and not your emotions… you can really find a deeper meaning to what actually happened in this situation and what you need to do… and I am guessing this is not the first time you two have been through this… but you will be able to see your situation in a more factual light.

The key is looking at your situation and answering those hard questions truthfully! I know it may be scary for you, but you must push through this scary moment for you to find out the truths. Until you recognize the truths, accept them and stop deluding yourself… because like I stated earlier… the truth will always reveal itself…you will not be able to positively change your situation… and nobody likes a liar… I don’t care how cute you are because there is nothing uglier than a liar who thinks she’s cute… You’re cute, but stop lying! Just Saying!

Allows You to Attain Clarity, Notice Negative Patterns & Make Positive Changes

If you find yourself going back to a destructive and hurtful relationship while convincing yourself that through all your heartbreaks and headaches that he will eventually change and become the man that you need and want… Good luck with that one… it’s past time for you to sit down and self-reflect on your situation. This will allow you to notice and pinpoint the negative patterns in your relationship.

Self-reflection will help you get to the core of your problem and will give you a more positive perspective on your situation. It is a process in which you must embark on to find a solution that will give you some type of satisfaction that will allow you to find the strength to move on.

Hopefully it will help you to realize that this relationship is toxic and it is delaying your happiness and your emotional growth… and you may be blocking your blessing for that right man or partner in enter your life.

 Whatever the case may be, self-reflection will allow you to acknowledge and come up with healthy solutions to these negative patterns and your relationship problems… it will give you an opportunity to make a positive change within your life as well as give you a better understanding of you!

Trust me… the realization alone with have an impactful and positive effect on you… Girl... you will feel and be more empowered and in control. Whatever the case maybe, this self-attained realization is the key to immediately decide to make that necessary positive change in your life and it’s up to you to stick to it… Real Talk… You must commit to your decision… now… get on with it! Just Saying!

You Will Be More Focused on Your Goals and/or Dreams

Self-reflection allows your dreams and goals to be realized. It allows you to envision what you could be and have. Self-reflection allows you to write down these goals with a timeframe and map out a clear plan on how to obtain them. 

Have you every just started your day without any clear directions in mind or written down and you must run all over town not really knowing what you’re doing or more importantly… where the hecks you’re going… that can make our day unnecessarily long, pointless and progressively annoying! Therefore, it's important to constantly self-reflect to have a clear vision of where you want to see yourself in the future.

My suggestion would be to write them down and place them in front of that mirror you are always eyeing yourself in or any mirror… hecks… pick one or two and stop looking in it and read the note… remember… you only have the mirror so you don’t forget to continuously remind yourself of the goals you hope to accomplish during the set timeframe that you have written down. As a result, you will have a more positive attitude toward your current obligations. 

You Will Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Control

Ladies, think about how many times you have gone off over things that when you really thought about it, there was really nothing you could do because you weren’t in control of that situation. 

For example, how many times you needed to grab something quick in Wal-Mart and ended up standing in line for 15 or 20 minutes behind someone who has a basket full of stuff in the 20 items or less lane… or you are rushing to work and get stuck behind one of those annoying yellow buses with that red stop sign sticking out while the caution lights are blinking and there’s not a kid in sight! You get my drift… self-reflection can help relieve the stress in these situations.

See, we as women feel the need to be in control of every aspect of our lives… which is everything… mostly because we are raised to be independent. However, life happens and relinquishes some of our control whether we like it or not… so in these situations, take the time out to self-reflect and calm your nerves.

Self-reflection gives us an opportunity to calm down and disconnect from situations in which we have no control over. It allows us to direct that negative energy to something more positive… such as thinking of ways you can make your day more productive.

~ejnosillA’s Final Thoughts

In closing, I can attest to the fact that self-reflection can be a scary process because we all want to be seen by others in a positive light… I don’t care how many times that we say that we don’t care with others say about us… but if we are being truthful with ourselves… we all care about what someone thinks about us. 

Whether it be your kids, your families, your significant others… hecks even your co-workers or your boss… we as women do care what people think of us or we wouldn’t spend all that time in our mirrors.

In my opinion, self-reflection is an empowering process that allows us to humble ourselves as well as allows us as women to “keep it real!” It gives us the opportunity to define ourselves and our boundaries as women, mothers, daughters and whatever other hats you wear with those rocking stilettoes.

Self-reflection gives us the opportunity to define happiness and peace in our own terms. Take a moment… and clear your mind… now… think about a time when you were the happiest about something… maybe an accomplishment…or a positive change you made in your life… the joy you felt… the peace you had in that moment… you felt in control of your life… that positive change or accomplishment allowed you to obtain a place of peace and happiness… that you refuse to allow anyone to take that from you.

See, how taking that moment to reflect on yourself allowed you feel those positive emotions even if for a little while… reflecting on that happy and peaceful moment in time and I am sure you have plenty of them… but this one allowed you to define what gave you the most happiness and peace within your life… you could have chosen anyone, but that particular one was the one you choose all by yourself… so you have defined a point in your life and when you feel stressed or alone… use this to keep moving forward and not the mirror.

Self-reflection helps us to reconnect to ourselves… it keeps us real, true and humble. It allows us to take control of our lives and to be our regal best. Once again... don’t believe me… try it and see… Just Saying!

Stay Blessed Queens!!!

ALLAH has Allowed Me to Conquer My Fears & Truly Reflect on the Woman Within


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