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Saturday, May 13, 2017

A Day in the Life of ejnosillA - Another Mother's Day Spent Missing My Mommy!!!

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace be unto you"
A Day in the Life of ejnosillA
Another Mother's Day Spent Missing My Mommy!!!

Mother’s Day is a time of year that we Queens celebrate our mothers and it gives us a wonderful opportunity to spend the day giving her our undivided attention. It’s a day were we… mothers… can lay back and relax and let our children take care of us for once… well at least in theory… It’s the one day of the year that you reflect and show that special Queen in your life how special she is and how much we appreciate her sacrifices while raising our hard-heads… it’s a time of remembering... laughing and celebrating your Queen! Well... Ladies... Mother’s Day for me is a bittersweet time of the year…


Although, I joke about my children… my Mother’s Day is all of that... and a bag of chips... for me because I have the FAB Five and they always treat me like a Queen… even when I am cutting up… they always make me feel special… loved and appreciated… that’s the sweet part of Mother’s Day… I get to really show out and be a Diva… but the bitter part for me... is that my own Queen Mother isn’t around for me to honor her!


Click Image to Enlarge
My beloved mother passed in April 2008… almost a month before her birthday… yes… not only do I have to deal with the loss of my mom on Mother’s Day… but I must relive these bittersweet emotions on the 20th of May because that is her birthday!

However, over time… the pain and the emptiness of losing my mother has subsided some, but I know that I will never truly get over her death… although the hole in my heart grows smaller each day… I will never truly heal. 


This time of year, is my bittersweet reminder of the hole in my heart… but as I sit here tearfully writing this blog… I realize that this year is not as bad as last year… and I truly believe that next year will be better than today… because each year… it gets a little easier… minute by minute… hour by hour… day by day… and so on.

Well… Ladies… if you find yourself being faced with bittersweet emotions on Mother’s Day because your Queen is no longer with you to celebrate… trust me… I know it’s hard and an emotionally trying day of the year… and maybe you feel a sense of helplessness about your situation… and maybe feeling some bittersweet emotions… but I do have some suggestions that might make this day more sweet and less bitter…. Let’s begin…

First Step… You Need to Accept She is Gone… So, Talk About Her

Ladies… my first suggestion is that you need to accept that she is gone… so you must talk about her and your feelings about the situation. At first when my mother died… it was hard for me to talk about her… it was hard to even think about her because the loss was so deep and I would just break down and cry… 




I found myself living life… but I wasn’t living… I had consumed myself with school and work… trying my best not to think about her… my mom… I was in denial and I really didn’t want to accept the fact she was gone.

I knew that there would be good days and bad days… I knew that I had to be strong for my family… so I didn’t allow myself to be seen crying or publicly grieving… I really didn’t want the attention and I knew if I broke down… it would be like a chain reaction within my family.

However, those sentiments prolonged my grieving and healing process. I was oftentimes moody… depressed… finally all those emotions came flooding out… out of nowhere…



RIP... My Queen... Cynthia "Gaye" Ritchie Allison
See… after my mom died… for months I avoided the ladies within my Sista Circle… refusing to see them, but would take their calls… but would rush them off the phone… however… one of my friends… who is near and dear to my heart… decided that she had enough of me avoiding her and bogarted her way into my house… 

As usual we sat down and began to talk… I was a little annoyed about the intrusion, but when she pulled out the “spirits” from her little brown bag… we were all good… anyways…

As we were sitting... shooting the breeze and the alcoholic drink started to work its magic… I began to loosen up… she took this moment to bring up my mom… as I began to talk and reminisce about my mom… 


 I felt a tear coming down my face… and then all of a sudden… my friend yelled out… and like to scared me to death… she blurted out:

“OH NO... MS. ALLISON… NOOOOOOOOOOOO… Ms. Allison… WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU... Ohhh… Why did you leave me… oh… Ms. Allison… What am I going to do… without you… Ohhhh… Ms. Allison… Please come back… I NEED YOU?!?”

And then she fell out onto the floor crying… Now… I am sitting there with that one lonely tear drying up on my face… and looking at this fool wailing around on the floor like a two-year-old having a fit because her mommy took her candy from her… I'm looking real confused right about now… and thinking to myself with my arms folded across my chest... while slowing shaking my head... right to left...

“What kind of foolishness is this... if she doesn't get her crazy azz off the floor?!?”


Now, in my mind… and please let me know in the comments if I'm wrong... but I thought... she was supposed to be consoling me and now I’m supposed to be consoling her… over the loss of MY mother… but her crazy antics made me laugh… 



I laughed so hard that I forgot she was wailing on the floor… and suddenly… that laughter turned to tears… between the laughter and the tears… in that moment… I gave myself permission to grieve and to take all the time I needed to get through my grieving process… 
I finally allowed myself to release all the negative pain that I was holding onto in order for me to begin the healing process… 

Oh yeah… I eventually helped crazy up off the floor… but without her unusual shenanigans… it would have taken me longer to begin the healing process… or even begin to talk about my mother.


So… in order for you to start your healing process… you must accept that your beloved mom is no longer with you… but talking about her will ease the pain and allow you to begin your healing process…. Just Saying!

Write a Letter to Your Mom

For the first couple of years… after my mother died… I oftentimes found myself going by the Mother’s Day cards displays in various stores… reading all the cards to pick out that special one for my Queen… but then I would realize that she was gone and I became overwhelmingly sad. 



Just like I would try to buy her Mother’s Day cards… I would try to call her… I can’t tell you how many times I have picked up the phone and tried to call my mom. 



This went on for a long time… I eventually made myself forget her number so I wouldn’t call her phone number anymore… that is how bad it had gotten for me… 

Then a dear friend suggested that I try writing my mom a letter… to tell her how much I miss and love her… I took her much needed advice and sat down to write my Dear Momma letter.

I wrote it as if I were talking to her face-to-face… one-on-one… telling her about my life… my goals… my failures… my ups and downs… the grandkids… my job… my relationships… yep… 


I wrote about the good with the bad… but shared everything that I wanted... needed to tell her… so… Ladies… I am passing this tad bit of wisdom along… this is your opportunity to get it all out and to tell your mom everything!

This process might make you feel a little sad… depending on the time from her passing and where you are at in your healing process… but I promise you… it will make you feel good to get it all out and will lighten your emotional load… so unburden yourself to the one woman who loved you the most on this earth… your beloved mom.

If you are finding it difficult or too emotional to write a complete letter… then start with listing the 10 things that you love about your mom… and then build from there. There isn’t a time limit to this exercise… it’s all about you and when you feel the need or the want to do this… so take your time!

After you are finished with this heartfelt letter… you can throw it away or tuck it somewhere safe so you can reflect on it later. When I finally mustered up the courage to write my letter… I cried while I wrote it… took breaks because I got so emotional… but I did feel as if a burden was lifted off of me. I was able to tell my mom everything and now when I reflect on this letter… yes… I get misty eyed… but I smile as I read it…

See… it allows me to see my growth about this situation as well as others… it reminded me of goals that I accomplished and others that I have forgotten because as I have experienced various She-Piphany Moments… those dreams or goals have changed… so it started out as a way for me to deal with the loss of my mother… and a way to connect to her while allowing me to see my emotional growth about her passing as well as which goals I have accomplished and still need to work on.

Start Your Own Traditions in Your Mother’s Honor

On Mother’s Day… and really any holiday that reminds me of my mom… I try to keep her memory alive by still honoring her by doing whatever she loved to do in life or on the holidays. For example, my mom loved Disney movies and had an impressive Disney collection.


Every holiday after the guests left… we would all try to curl up on the couch with her… now, just imagine three grown kids and my little brother trying to curl up with my mom on a love seat and arguing because we all had to be next to her…

Well… now she is no longer physically here… I have my own collection of Disney movies and the ones that I don’t have I just wait to DVR them and we watch them as a family... it’s funny how history repeats… now my three grown children and my 13-year-old twins, all fight and argue about who is going to lay next to me in my bed… we laugh and reminisce about my mom… it makes it as if she is still with us… laughing and clowning right along with us. 



So… if your mom liked to cook or bake… incorporate one of her signature dishes in your Mother’s Day menu… if she liked to go to the movies… than maybe rent her favorite movies and watch them at your family gatherings… or play her favorite band or artist and “cut a rug” in her honor… 

There is so much that you can do on this day to honor your beloved mother even though she isn’t physically here with you... but she will always be in your heart!.

Visit Your Mom and Bring Her Flowers

Visiting your mom and bringing her flowers can make you feel real close to your beloved mom. Sitting by her resting place while talking to her might make you feel like you are connecting with her and gives you the opportunity to honor her on Mother’s Day… and gives you some one-on-one reflection time.

If the feeling of going to your mom’s resting place is too emotional to bare at this time… which is understandable… than pick a spot that will be less emotional for you to honor your mom… maybe go to some quiet spot she liked to visit… or her favorite shady part of your local park… sit at her favorite bench… talk to her and leave her flowers there… This is about you honoring your mom on Mother’s Day… the way you see fit and fill in your heart.

Donate Your Time by Visiting Another Mother in Need

Mother’s Day might feel like a lonely and emotional day for you… so instead of being alone… why not consider donating your time to visit with another mother on Mother’s Day. Is there a friend of your beloved mother that is alone on Mother’s Day? Someone who can understand you and you can visit with that can lift your spirits as well as theirs.

I have found that ever since my mom died… most of her friends rely on me as a source of comfort about her loss… meaning… when they spend time with me… reminiscing about their “good ole days,” it’s like they are connecting with her through me. By me giving them the opportunity to talk to me about my mom… it’s like that bond is being reinforced and lives on through me… her daughter.



Another option is to donate your time with other mothers at a senior citizen facility or center. Some of these mothers spend their Mother’s Day alone and may not have any regular visitors. I remember… after my mom died…

I volunteered to spend part of my Mother’s Day visiting with women whose children couldn’t be there with them… for whatever reason… I took the FAB Five with me and we had a ball…it allowed me to give back and take my mind off of the hole in my heart.

So… Ladies… if you are up to it… why not volunteer some of your time to another mother on Mother’s Day… 


It will make you feel better and will take your mind off of the loss of your beloved mom. My mom would always say that charity begins at home… and she was known for her “spirit of giving” and left her children with the same “spirit of giving…” why not keep your mom’s spirit alive by giving your time to another mother that’s in need on Mother’s Day… Just Saying?!?

ejnosillA’s Final Thoughts

In closing… I know that missing our beloved moms on Mother’s Day is inevitable and can be a depressing time of year. However, it doesn’t have to be… for YOU… or ME! See… how you choose to spend your Mother’s Day really depends on you… If you decide to spend the day grieving… that’s just fine with me… you must listen to your heart… But….

Don’t take too long in this state because you might get stuck in your grieving process… this can make it longer for you to begin to accept the loss of your mom… and you will be prolonging your healing process… trust me… I know… but… at the end of the day… it’s all up to you to decide on how you want to spend or even feel on Mother’s Day.


Whether you decided to rock out on Mother’s Day or sit quietly at home reflecting on your mom… do whatever makes you feel good and helps you get through this trying time… So… however you decide to honor your mom on Sunday… I know it will reflect how much you miss her… and your unconditional love for your mom on Mother’s Day… Just Saying! As usual …

Stay Blessed Queens and Happy Mother’s Day!!!




May ALLAH Bless ALL of the Mothers, their Families and Friends


~ejnosillA



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53 comments :

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your beautiful vulnerability and encouragement.

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  2. Its never a good thing to hold you feelings inside, especially in times of grief. Our Mothers are and will always be in our hearts. I am glad you had friend that was able to comfort you in your time of need.

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  3. Mother's Day is bittersweet for a lot of people. I'm sorry your mom passed away. I hope you have a Happy Mother's Day.

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  4. Loding a parent is unimaginably hard. I ve seen my husband - then fiance - go through it. Tgere is always a gap.

    This post is amazing. Because it shows how much you honor and cgerish your mom, while also empowering others to come to terms with such a loss.

    I am sure your mom is looking down and beaming with pride.

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  5. Thinking of you, I can only imagine how difficult it is and I am glad you shared this as it may help you to heal and keep your mom in remembrance. Moms are special. xo

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  6. What a beautiful post! You are so lucky to have had such an awesome mom and truly great friends. I have found that writing letters is cathartic, even if you never get to send them. It helps get out your feelings in a way you could never express to them face to face. Thanks for such a lovely post.

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  7. I am so sorry for your loss. I love all of the beautiful ways that you still celebrate your mother's life. She is so proud of you as she watches over you I'm sure. Hugs to you on this day as you remember her.

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  8. Happy Mother's Day to all those hard working mom's out there! I know I wouldn;t be able to be here today without my own hard working mom!

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  9. So sorry for your loss! This is some great advice and glad you are finding ways to still keep her a part of your life!

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  10. So sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have made some good traditions of your own to celebrate the wonderful mom you are...Happy Mother's Day!

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  11. Such a beautiful post. I feel very lucky to still have my mom around. Unfortunately she lives far away and I don't see her as much as I'd like. Moms are the best. :)

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  12. This was my first Mother's Day without my mom and it was ROUGH. I knew it would be, but she just passed in February and it is still just so fresh, you know?

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  13. My dad passed in 2007 (March) and I understand your feelings. A beautifully written post.

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  14. I'm so sorry for your loss. Mother's Day can definitely be a day of grieving for those who's mothers are no longer with us. I love that you have created some lovely traditions of your own. Happy Mother's Day :)

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  15. What an awesome and positive outlook! I am no stranger to losing a mom. I lost her, I don't know when, or why, and where.. but what I do know is that, while it hurts every mother's day to not have my own to wish.. I am a mother, to three beautiful children. I give them my heart and soul and I am everything, I am for them. While the sadness creeps in moments I'd rather enjoy on the hardships of my own experiences, I do fall into the abyss of the void that still lingers about her. Time.. time will heal/fix or whatever it does so that our hearts no longer hurt as much. Thanks for sharing! xo Maria | https://imommy.co

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  16. This was a good read. I'm fortunate to have my mother this year

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  17. This is so lovely - I love the idea of writing a letter to your mother, such a beautiful thing to do in order to make it through a difficult time.

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  18. I'm sorry to hear about your loss it must be tough especially around this time of the year but it's also a time of celebration, think about the good times you had x

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  19. beautiful post and a very touching way to honour your late mother who you clearly loved so dearly. I hope you had a lovely time with your family.

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  20. I'm sorry to hear that you are missing your mom. :-(.
    I love that you are starting traditions with your family in her honor. I bet she would love that! <3

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  21. Okay, "I pulled crazy off the floor" ...girl. LOL I'm so sorry for your loss and I truly admire how your humor was allowed to show even in the worst of times. I fear this day and I appreciate your words that you "gave yourself permission". We often do not allow ourselves permission to do the necessary things in life.

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  22. Sending lots of love your way during this more challenging time around Mother's Day. Hope you were able to find joy with your fab five.

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  23. I can only imagine what it's like for ladies to not have their moms to celebrate on Mother's Day. You shared some very valuable information for other ladies who might find themselves in that situation .

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  24. I almost lost my momma a few weeks ago, so Mother's Day was extra special to me this year. My kiddos contributed to the day, as well.

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  25. I'd like to send you some love and light on this trying moment. I definitely understand the feeling of missing a parent and it's something we don't get over. I hope as the years pass, you find solace in knowing your mom still loves you and looks out for you.

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  26. I sorry to hear of your mother's passing, that must be so hard, my birthday is actually May 20th as well.

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  27. Mother's Day is so bittersweet for me! I lost my mom when I was 16. I am glad I got to spend the day with my kiddos. - Jeanine

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  28. I could have written this myself. I lost my mom in 2008, and although it gets better with time, I'll never get over it. This year was really tough for me for Mother's Day. I'm not sure if it's whats been going on in my own life where I just missed her more than ever. I love the idea of writing her a letter. I'm going to do that! Happy Mother's day!

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  29. Aw hun sorry to hear the loss of your mother. The pain never goes away but talking about it does help you deal with your pain x

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  30. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure she is with you in spirit - especially during the special times of the year.

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  31. I'm so sorry about your mom, but at least you have your fab five to treat you like a queen. Happy Mothers Day!

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  32. I am sorry for your loss and wish for you the best.

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  33. Sorry for your loss but you have since come so far and are very strong! Happy belated mothers day!

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  34. I am so sorry for your loss. I am sending you virtual hugs and good vibes! You seem like a very strong woman! Happy Mother's Day.

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  35. Moms are irreplaceable. I have accepted life knowing that I will miss her all the time now that she's gone. It's good to cherish her memories and talk about her during this special day.

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  36. I don't want to imagine what it will be like without my mom, but I know it will be very difficult because she is my best friend. I like that you mentioned to talk about her though. I feel like so many people don't like to speak about the deceased because they think it will be too painful, but it can be so cathartic and keep that memory alive.

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  37. It must be very hard, I'm sorry. My mom lost her mother 10 years ago and it's still hard on Mother's Day for her.

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  38. It's tough to celebrate mother's day when you're missing your mother so much. We were very close and I miss her everyday. Mother's day seems to be the day that I miss her most and I make sure that I keep her memories alive.

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  39. Celebrating Mother's Day without your mom isn't easy. Taking the time to remember her fondly by talking about her or writing her a letter are great ways to feel closer to her even though she is gone.

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  40. When my mom was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer a year and half ago, it made us all wonder whether we would have many more Mother's Days left. We came close to losing her late last year, but luckily a new treatment is helping reduce her tumors and she is doing much better. I appreciate having Mother's Day this more than ever.

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  41. I'm so sorry, it must have taken so much strength to put all these words down. You're just as brave and wonderful as your mum was xxx

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  42. Mothers are truly special and I really enjoyed hanging out with mine for Mother's day! :) Awesome post with filled with great ideas

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  43. I am so sorry for your loss. Mother's Day must be so difficult, I am glad you have good friends (even if their antics are a little funny).

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  44. I am so sorry you are missing your mom this mother's day! I can't imagine how hard it must be!

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  45. It can be tough missing a parent. I can remember when my dad passed away. It was very sudden and unexpected. I was so upset, and when Father's Day came around, I really missed him. I feel so sorry for you and your loss.

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  46. misty nelson dawnMay 17, 2017 at 2:39 AM

    Happy Mothers day to all working moms and we are all special it's not easy to become a mom

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  47. My husband is having to deal with something similar to this next month. He lost his father in 2010 and every Father's Day is always difficult.

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  48. I'm sorry for your loss. My grandmother passed away from cancer five years ago and I know this holiday is not easy for my mom.

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  49. I am so sorry for your loss. But this is a very touchy letter. I know Mother's Day is difficult for women who have lost their mothers and those who have lost children. My prayers are with you.

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  50. I can totally understand where you're coming from. I agree that we can still honor the ones we love by doing what they love and remembering them even they are not with us anymore.

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  51. Ughhh so sorry for your loss!! Losing a loved one is definitely difficult. I lost my brother s few years back and it's tough around holidays that's for sure

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  52. I know that Mother's Day can be a painful time for those missing their moms. A dear friend of mine suffers thinking about the loss of her mom every year.

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  53. So sorry for your loss it need to be really hard for you. But anyway hope you ad a great Mothers Day

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