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Saturday, June 17, 2017

I Don't Mind You Saying Happy Father’s Day to Me... but I like Happy Single Mother's Day Better!!!

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace Be Unto You"

A Day in the Life of ejnosillA

I Don't Mind You Saying Happy Father’s Day to Me... but I like Happy Single Mother's Day Better!!!

Happy Father’s Day to ALL the Single Mother’s Out There!!!

As I am catching up on odds and ends… that really sounded like I was really doing some important work… but I was really strolling through the YouTube streets catching up on all my reality show reviews and other gossip… I received a very interesting phone call from my eldest daughter.

See, Ms. DeLo and her uncle… my youngest brother… Frankie Ali… had a public debate on Tha Book about Father’s Day and who should be celebrated. See her stance was based on my single mother status of the FAB Five and his status was based on him being a divorced, single father raising two little girls.

Basically, her stance was based on me being the only parent she has ever known until she was 16 and therefore, single mothers deserve to be recognized on Father’s Day… well his stance was that Father’s Day is meant for men who are fathers and are taking responsibility for their children… and therefore, Mother’s Day is for moms and Father’s Day is for dads… You know… that same ole tired debate… Just Saying!

Well, during this conversation, she asked me a very interesting question and I was hesitant to give my opinion. 

Now… if you know me by now… I tend to try to mind my business and don’t allow myself to get pulled into these friendly family debates. 

The last time I called myself giving my opinion on a friendly family debate between these two… I found myself being scrutinized about my opinions because I didn’t agree with either one of them!

Can somebody explain to me how someone… in their 20s… asks you a question to settle a two-way debate and then you end up being ganged up on and told you are old… and stop being so prehistoric and I need to get with the times?!? 

I was thinking to myself… “What type of foolishness… I know these two didn’t just sit here and try to call me fat on the sneak and they better not be trying to say that I’m as old as a dinosaur’s relic... either… or IT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN… Just Kidding!?!

Well, as I listened to her read me the Facebook comments between him and her… then her and some other men… then back to him and her… and so on… I really thought about her question and I began to get really… really… really… really sentimental… I mean really sentimental… Let’s begin…

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As I sat there listening to my baby girl explain her point of view, my mind began to wonder and I began to reminisce about one Christmas. Now before anyone tries to say: "I thought she was Muslim and she isn't supposed to be celebrating holidays?" This was way before I converted to Islam... August 2017 will be a year!

See… it’s no secret that I am a single mother with five children. I can remember when all of them were so little and cute… innocent… DeLo was about 14 or so and the youngest… the twins had to be about 4 or 5… my where has the time gone… well… low-income… receiving benefits but was working paycheck to paycheck with barely any money to pay my bills. 

I can remember that I was truly robbing Peter to pay Paul… I was literally trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents… that’s how broke I was and all of their fathers weren't paying their child support at the time… I had shut off notices for the gas and electric companies… my rent was behind… I think the only bills that weren’t past due were my cell and house phone bills because I needed to keep these phones on so the kids could reach me in case of an emergencies.

I can remember that I was so depressed, disappointed in myself… feeling like I had let my babies down… let myself down… 

I was so stressed out about my utilities getting cut off at any moment… my rent being due… barely having any food in the cabinets and fridge… 

I was financially broke and spiritually, mentally and emotionally broken. I tried calling family, friends as well as different agencies to assist, but as usual… I was too late and the money was gone.

One day I came home from work and the kids were anxiously waiting for me to get home. I walked in and I slowly took my coat and shoes off.

I just wanted to quietly slip to my room because I knew that these kids were going to once again ask me about Christmas presents and I barely have a dime to my name.

Like clockwork… DeLo… being the oldest… came and said: “Hi Mommy… how was your day?” Before I could answer she said… “Mommy we wrote out our Christmas list and I want a…” that’s all I heard.

As I stood there, I saw her mouth moving and the words were faintly being heard because  I felt all types of emotions hitting me all at once… I was thinking to myself… don’t they realize that we barely have food in the fridge… our lights and gas are about to get cut off… we are two months behind on rent… don’t they realize that I'm working my butt off and ends aren't meeting... we barely have a home  and here they go again asking me about Christmas presents which is the last thing on my mind at this point… What is wrong with them?!?

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I tried to get away but she kept following me and now the other four are chiming in… and then I lost it! I screamed:

“Damnit girl… don’t you all realize that I am broke?!?” Silence came over the room.

“I don’t have any money for Christmas… Hell… I don’t have any money to pay these damn bills… so stop asking and telling me every time you see me about what you want for Christmas! I don’t have the money so we aren’t having Christmas this year!”

As the tears started running down my face, I grabbed my cell phone and I turned to go upstairs… I said: “If you want Christmas then call your dads and bug them about Christmas because I can’t help you!”

By the time I made it to the top of the steps… the tears were truly flowing! It’s funny… as I sit here reminiscing about this heartbreaking moment in my life… yep… the tears are really flowing! I was hurt because I hollered at my kids and hurt their feelings for doing something that I did as a kid. I just felt so defeated and hurt because I never want to hurt my children… I am all that they have and I felt as if I was failing as a parent… a mother.

I must have sat there for at least five minutes while trying to get myself together… so I could go down and explain my emotional reaction... and to wholeheartedly apologize…

I would have immediately turned around but I didn’t want my precious babies seeing me breaking down like that… well… I was in my room for about five minutes or so and my cell phone rings.

I looked at my caller ID and it’s someone calling me from my house phone. I am thinking to myself… “I know she…" meaning DeLo… "isn’t trying my patience today… why doesn’t she just leave me alone and let me have a moment to get myself together?!?”

You know… now that I am thinking about it… she has always been the one out of the five who can really test my patience at times especially during those teenage years… Just Saying!

Well… where was I… oh yeah… as I silently prayed to GOD to give me strength and to help me through so I don’t hurt this little smart mouth teenager downstairs and her crew…  I tried to calm down. While wiping my tears, I answered the phone:

“Hello,” I said.

“Hello,” said the little voice on the phone.

I said, “DeLores what do you want… didn’t I tell you not to bother me about Christmas… I don’t have any money… okay baby… just let it go.”

She said, “I know mommy, but didn’t you say that we should call our daddies and tell them what we wanted for Christmas?”

I said, “Yes, DeLores… I did say that.”

She said, “Well, we were all down here talking…” and at this point, I thought she was going to say that it’s okay that we don’t have Christmas because we have each other… you know… something sentimental like those movies on the Hallmark network… well… as I was saying…

She said, “...Well, we were all down here talking and we all agreed that YOU are our daddy… so I want such and such for Christmas… and the boys want such and such for Christmas… and the twins want…” I must have laughed so hard that I was crying again, but this time they were tears of joy!

ejnosillA’s Final Thoughts

In closing… just in case you’re wondering… it turned out that the FAB Five had one of the best Christmas ever because GOD answered our prayers! 

Someone at my job adopted us… someone else sent our name in and an organization adopted us too… we received a food voucher and $250 in gift cards… and my neighbor who is a dear friend of the family gifted us with the money to go to Family Dollar to buy a white Christmas tree with lights and I had enough to blue/gold ornaments... such beautiful memories!

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You know It’s funny… I was so focused on the things that we didn’t have, that I forgot to focus on the things that we did have… each other.

Oh yeah... I never got around to answering my daughter's question... but in my opinion... if a single mother wants to celebrate Father's Day then... let her have her day... Shucks... she's earned it! So... what are your thoughts on this subject? Please leave your comments below.

You know...  the funny thing is... as I am thinking back... who would have thought… that while I was in my feelings... convinced that I was failing as MOMMY… I was SO EXCELLING AS A DAD… So… I don't mind if you say Happy Father’s Day to me... but I rather like... Happy Single Mother's Day better... it better fits my personal journey... Just Saying!!! As usual…

Stay Blessed Queens!

May ALLAH continue to bless ALL the Parents!

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  1. The line between mother and father is not cut and dry. Moms do "dad" things and dads do "mom" things. The important thing is having a parent who loves you :)

  2. Father's Day is a celebration honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society.

  3. I love this post! It is so easy to lose sight of what we have and focus on what we don't. Being a military wife and dealing with deployments often, I have to be mom and dad to my kids sometimes. I know it's not the same as what you're doing but I kind of understand. Sounds like you have done a wonderful job.

  4. What a sweet soul DeLores has! I legit started crying when I read the story about Christmas. I was raised by my single dad so Father's Day is what it is, Father's Day. But I'm not blind to the countless women that are doing the role of both mom and dad.

  5. I love this post. Trust me I can certainly relate.

  6. Happy Single Mother's Day mommy!! I love you and appreciate what you have done for my siblings and I as a single parent!! Our fathers missed out on 5 awesome people. Thank you mom for fulfilling that role and never giving up on us! I couldn't ask Allah SWT for a greater gift! Love you!!! 💙

  7. It's so easy to get lost in life and forget about all the wonderful things we DO have in life. Glad you guys have each other.

  8. I celebrate my mom as much as I can - she was a single mom for the majority of my childhood. My dad is and was part of my life, but not as much as she was. (I still wished him a happy Father's Day yesterday, since he's even more involved in my life now. I don't hold past mistakes against him.)

  9. Thank you for sharing your story and struggles. I'm in awe at how spoiled some kids are these days. If a family can afford all the goodies, great. But, I also think there should be some real life lessons for those kids along the way.

  10. I'm glad that Christmas ended up being a really happy one. It's super nice when things end up working out like that!

  11. Happy Single Mother's Day! You are a great mother and your kids appreciate you; that is all that matters :)

  12. I think many people were debating this on social media yesterday as single moms were congratulated for the tremendous work they do parenting their kids alone. I think kids need both parents but, unfortunately, some mothers and fathers don't always step up to their responsibilities.

  13. What a beautiful story! I totally think it's fine for single parents to get both holidays! They're covering both sides so why not?!

  14. Happy Single Monther's Day to you. Parenting (whether you assume the role of father, or mother or mom-dad) is tough. I've been through tough times too, however I had to claw my way out or esle I would have drowned in my own misery. You are doing good, don't worry about a thing. Your children love you more than anything else in the world.


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