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Sunday, November 12, 2017

Soulful Sundays: Ladies... Is Your Self-Worth Wrapped Up in Materialism?

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace Be Unto You"
Soulful Sundays Presents:
ejnosillA... "What'z Good?!?"
Ladies... Is Your Self-Worth Wrapped Up in Materialism?

I’M BACK QUEENS! Now I know some of you are thinking: “Dang… how many times her azz is going to come back?!?” Well, I’m here to tell you: “A LOT OF TIMES BECAUSE I LIKE THE ATTENTION!” Just Kidding.

While I busy checking my emails to see what you Queens wanted me to talk about… yes… if you haven’t gotten the memo… Ladies are sending emails for their request of topics and questions they want me to address or answer which I call… ejnosillA... "What'z Good?!?"

You too can be a part of this movement by emailing me at if you have a question or topic ideas you want me to discuss... put ejnosillA... "What'z Good?!?" in the subject line and I will do my best to address your concerns ASAP!

Okay… Okay… where was I… Oh yeah… I was busy checking my emails and I noticed that a lot of the Queens were discussing how their men have a lot of “Don’t Gots.” 

You know… they don’t got this… they don’t got that and so on, but it seemed that they made it a point to express all the material things they have... they've brought into and bought during their relationship.

This really got me to thinking... Queens… is your self-worth wrapped up in materialism?

Out of the many, there was one email that really caught my attention as well as can be used as an example for today's lesson and used to answer the rest. 

A particular Queen… and we will call her Lisa for anonymity purposes… stated that when she entered into her relationship she really didn’t have much, but her two children and her guy took on the role of dad.

He was working a good job and was a very good provider for her and the kids, but he was recently laid off.  After being together for five years this is the first financial problem that they have faced together, and the brother went out and got a new job. 

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However, it doesn’t pay as much as his old one and Lisa has now become the main breadwinner in the family. She did stress that he isn’t cheating on her, but she is tired of her money being spent on paying majority of the bills.

Meaning, those expensive trips they used to take are no more unless she pays and those designer digs she used to be able to buy on a whim, need to be added into the budget and if there isn’t any money after paying the bills... then she can’t have them.

In addition, there is another suitor vying for her attention that can afford her the lifestyle that she is accustomed to, but he has a girlfriend… you know the one her current man introduced and provided her with until he was laid off… so, she is seriously considering leaving her man and asked for my advice.

Well after thinking about this for let’s say… a hot New York minute… Let's begin…


This man fell in love with you for you! He took care of you and your babies when you had nothing… not judging…going off your words only… and now you are thinking about leaving him because he doesn’t make as much money as he did before and can’t provide you with the luxuries you want and really don’t need?!?

So, you are telling me that you will leave this good man after 5 years and experiencing a few months of financial difficulties?

And not only are you telling me that you would leave a good man because he is experiencing financial issues... AND has a job while he is finding another one that will pay more money… for a man who is cheating on his current girlfriend and making promises?!?

Do you honestly think this new guy is going to be better than the one you have? I guess you think that your lady parts has a Superwoman cap attached to it... but I am here to tell you... HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND… SO, WE KNOW HE’S A CHEATER!

What about the promises he made to her? I am 99.99% sure that he promised her that he wouldn’t cheat and guess what… if you enter into this relationship based on his promises to lavish you with material things…

Well… girlfriend… I’m afraid that those promises are going to be eventually broken… hence the existing girlfriend… because it seems to me that all he wants is your body and he is willing to pay for that until you give it up and then… well he will probably get ghost on your azz!

You must think that the grass is greener on the other side, but did you forget... that you still have to manicure and maintain it…  and what does that entail? Just Saying!!!

Lisa... Girl... you really got to get your priorities IN CHECK! Stop looking outside your relationship for the material things you don’t have and look inside and see what you do have.

Instead of figuring out ways to leave this good man, why don’t you spend that time and energy on trying to figure out how to make him more valuable to employers. Maybe research classes or college courses he can take to add to his value as an employee instead of trying to leave him when the going gets tough!

I think you should treasure that man you were blessed with because a lot of men are not willing to take care of their own children let alone take care of another man’s children. This man isn’t cheating on you or abusing you… but he is just going through some hard times… just like you were in the beginning of your relationship.

Remember Lisa…

This man came into your life at a moment when you were lonely and struggling raising your two kids. He uplifted you and stood by your side during your hard times… He never left you or cheated and now you are considering leaving him because you think someone can give you the material things that you want… don’t need… but want.

This new guy didn’t say he would give you love, respect and provide you with a safe home for you and your children… remember… women who think like you are a "dime a dozen," and evidently your new boo has plenty of dollars and... a GIRLFRIEND… but Black men like the one you got... are priceless!

So, Lisa... When you know better you do better... and girl you know better than this foolishness! All the good women out here looking, hoping, wishing and praying for a good Brother... hecks... I'm one of them... and your azz got one and is out here acting a dang fool! You Better Get It Together, Lisa... Just Saying!

ejnosillA's Final Thoughts

See to me, women like Lisa are stuck on the material things that a man can give them... the things he SAYS he can buy you... but those things will lose its value in time...

So, if your self-worth is wrapped up in materialism… then you too have an expiration date… especially when it comes to a sugar daddy… Just Saying!

So, Ladies... please think before you act... meaning... stop being reactive and be more proactive in your CURRENT relationship! Give that good man a break and keep on building your empire. 

Sorry Ray J... LOL!!!
You got a dang good man and sometimes, we as women have to take the lead without making our Kings feel less than. 

Trust me... if you stick with this good man through his rough patches... the payoffs will be more than your greedy little hearts... oops... 

I mean... your hearts could imagine... and once again... Ladies... GET IT TOGETHER... 


Everything that glitters... isn't gold! Just Saying!!! 

Please don’t forget to send your relationship questions or topics you would like me to address at and as usual…

Stay Blessed Queens!


May ALLAH continue to Bless Us ALL!

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Let’s work together... Just Saying!!!


Picture Reference: 
The Materialist in Her Bathtub by Michael Cohen. Retrieved from: Woman

Ray J Meme- Retrieved from:


  1. What?! Too many women want a good man and she seems to have one, but because she has to pay more bills now, it's a problem? Quite honestly, he needs someone who appreciates him, and not just the things he can do.

  2. This is a great topic to think about. I know a lot of women who would benefit from this.

  3. I am going to share this. I think its something everyone really needs to think about!

  4. I love this so much! My self worth is so not wrapped up in materialistic items. Although, being with someone who wants a lot of $$ through earning it and working from home, it's taken a toll on my mindset. I do best actually focusing on surviving and living it simply, that makes me feel so incredibly confident. I love being aware of what makes my inner core positive and fulfilled.

  5. I love this!! It is amazing how many people get caught up in materialistic things in life and put to much value on that.

  6. Nice! I may have to try this. Thank you!!!

  7. We should definitely treasure what/who we have now. And not keep pining for what we think we lack! He sounds like a great guy. Hope she starts appreciating him.

  8. I try to live a simple life. I don't like to get caught up in material things or what so-in-so is doing.

  9. Your advice is on point. We can’t make a mans worth all about what he can provide anymore than we should be so consumed with things that we can be bought!

  10. You're offering great advice, too bad most won't heed it. They're thinking about the present and not analyzing the good thing they really had!

  11. Wow this is great. Something everyone I believe should be thinking about often. I do cherish everything I have and wish more around me would also. - Jeanine

  12. This is all so true! Life is about so much more than stuff and love is invaluable.

  13. I am a sentimental person, not a materialistic one. Of course I have things that I cherish and wouldn't want to be without, but that is because they are attached to some wonderful memories. It is the love, family, and memories that have helped develop my self worth.

  14. Lisa clearly has some misplace priorities. It sounds like she a life that she can't provide for herself. I suggest being single and learn to love and provide for her own self and her children.

  15. I'm so glad that I'm out of the dating game. I'm the type of person that would be single forever because I don't want to deal with the spoiled milk that are out there lol


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