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Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Queens, Find Your Happiness in 2018: Remember… The Turtle Always Wins the Race!

"As-Salaam-Alaikum," "Peace Be Unto You"
A Day in the Life of ejnosillA:
Happy New Year! 
Queens, Find Your Happiness in 2018: Remember… The Turtle Always Wins the Race!

I have been contemplating on what the hecks I should write about for my 2018 first blogging post before I hit submission on my edited thesis for the last time… all I could think about was it has to be a topic that must be personal, heartfelt and beneficial to you as my readers… above all… it MUST BE REAL! That is who I am, who I have always tried to be and will always strive to be… Just Saying!

As I sat and reread all the well wishes for US… meaning me and the FAB Five… to have a blessed 2018 New Year and from people who were congratulating me for FINALLY obtaining my Master of Arts in Communication Studies… 


Last week I began to return phone calls, text messages, Facebook posts and private messages on my FB accounts, Twitter and Instagram… as well as my emails of all the questions my readers wanted me to respond to and now… 

I was feeling overwhelmed with topic ideas and was feeling the pressures of me trying to figure out what I should write about for my first 2018 New Year post!

Ladies… I know… I know… have been asked, texted, called or emailed on when was I going to release a new blog post… but please take into consideration… I just wrote a thesis that was over 100 pages longs, was stressing about it being accepted to ProQuest and any last-minute graduation hiccups.

Hecks… after all of that… I honestly needed a break from writing… time to reconnect with my family… but more importantly… I needed time with myself to reflect… take everything in… and reevaluate my life… to be at peace with this “She-Piphany Moment” in my life before I embark on another level of womanhood… in my case… Black Womanhood… Just Saying!

As, I am sitting here blogging and reflecting on the various correspondences I received and responded to, one sentiment that seemed to be the theme is “Happiness” and how its meaning or definition is subjective… how this significant emotion plays an important part in our lives as human beings… especially as women. 

Let’s begin…

As a low-income Black mother raising the FAB Five, throughout my life, I found myself trying to keep up with my some of the women in my VIP “Sistah Circles.” During this time… I felt that some… not all… but some… judged me because I was receiving assistance and judged my situation… severely… as well as some of my readers... Just Saying!

However, I took it in… spoke out when it was necessary… and I kept it moving!

See, my “Happiness” has and always will be grounded within my family roots… my parents… my siblings… my children… as well as other family members… and friends that are as good as my family… in my mind… we may not be blood related… but we are blood related… Just Saying!

My pace in life has always been about me and my FAB Five... it may have been slow to others, but for me... I was doing what I needed to do for my situation... Just Saying!

As I began to get out of my feelings, realized that I can only live for me and allowed my mind to be elevated… meaning I could not base my understanding of "Happiness" based on my friends’ perceptions or experiences of “Happiness.” 

I could not even base my happiness on what SOCIETY would deem as “Happiness.” You will find that most are living their lives based on what society has dictated!

After reading my email correspondences, talking or catching up with individuals, I realized that a lot of US are conforming, living and allowing society to dictate what our “Happiness" should be and it is reflective on our interpretations of the FAKE American Dream!

We all have been hustling, working and striving to get to the top, but you may have the material things that may constitute wealth and happiness, but are you truly happy and satisfied with those things… and more importantly… are they fulfilling you emotionally... Just Saying?!?y.

How many years have you spent adding to your 401Ks, but have not added to your emotional growth… and you are now realizing that you are emotionally unfilled… meaning… you are UNHAPPY… and still looking for fulfillment... Just Saying!

As I read, responded and talked to my correspondences… I began to realize that our definition of “Happiness” was different… it was subjective.

Happiness to Me

See… Happiness to me… became clear to me… and this is only ME… and… I only speak of MY definition or understanding of happiness… Just Saying!

In the MY past, my happiness was based on monetary fulfillment. Meaning to be able to pay my bills, having a working car… hecks… being able to go to sleep at night without being hungry because I decided to pay enough on my utility bills so I could buy a pack of hotdogs and Ramen noodles to feed my children while praying that one day that my children would remain humble… remembering the hard times as they succeed in their lives. 

See, "Happiness" for me… at this point in my life… means that I am more humble… I can be a more positive person because I am truly living my life... for me... as well as fulfilling my goals… Just Saying! 

“Happiness” is not what my family members deems what it should be for me… or my children… not my significant other… not my friends, not my job and it will never be what SOCIETY OR YOU… deem what my happiness should be!

I am no longer looking outside of myself to find my meaning of happiness… I am being true to ME and what “Happiness” means to me…

My “Happiness” equates to freedom… the freedom to love… freedom to respectfully speak my opinions and/or beliefs without any judgments… Above all… my freedom gives me the right to acknowledge my LOVE for ALLAH who brings me the most happiness… My freedom equates to the HIGHEST level of “Happiness!”

ejnosillA’s Final Thoughts

I say all of this to say…

I do not have the money that they have… I do not have the material things… hecks… I do not have their connections… but what I have that they do not have… I have the experience of having the struggles of being a single Black mother… raising 5 children while working her azz off to achieve her goals!

Yes, I realized that I made a conscious decision… YES… I MADE A CONSCIOUS DECISION to have 5 kids because I knew these babies were special... I knew my life would harder… but the reward… YES… THE DAMN REWARD… WAS WORTH IT!

Yes, I had... not have because I am so appreciative for all of my trials and tribulations... with the bad comes the good... had regrets!

Yes, I struggled... still struggling.. but HAPPY!

Yes, I was lonely... but I found that out... that when you are about you and your business... I do not have time to be lonely!

Yes, I felt judged and unworthy!

Yes, I cried… crying now... because... I am so proud of my babies... they got me through and loved me regardless of our struggles!


YES... I STOOD PROUD ACCEPTING MY MASTER OF ARTS IN COMMUNICATION STUDIES... with my Dad, my children and my beloved niece cheering me on!!!

IF IT WAS NOT FOR THE FOUNDATIONAL SUPPORT OF MY PARENTS… I would not be the successful turtle that I am... their love and support allowed me to move at my own speed and cultivated my mental development on all levels... without their love and support... my life would have been influenced by society... I would be a follower and not the Black female, Muslim leader that they raised and I would be broken!

Finally, to my naysayers… just want to thank them… If it was not for you… I would not be able to write this post to say… 

Remember... the turtle always wins the race... Just Saying! 

Please don’t forget to send your relationship questions or topics you would like me to address at and HAVE AN AWESOME 2018

As usual

Stay Blessed Queens!

May ALLAH continue to bless ALL in 2018!

~ejnosillA, M.A.

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Let’s work together... Just Saying!!!


Picture Reference:

Carton Picture of a Turtle: Retrieved from:


  1. One of my goals this year is to be happy - in all areas of my life. I even chose a word of the year (flourish) and am trying to apply that as well!

  2. I think happiness is so hard. Becuase people can look at someone and say you should be happy based on what you see. But we never know what others are dealing with.

  3. You've got to do you! People love to say you're doing to little of this or too much of that. Good for you for seeing what's important to you and doing that.

  4. Ahhhhh love happy and successful stories!!!! I try my hardest to succeed in all that I do. Enough effort and you can accomplish anything

  5. 2018 has started out very happy. I was able to move forward with a career goal I've had and my children are healthy. That's not a bad way to start the year!

  6. You are so write about the the majority of people in the US conforming to what they believe is happiness. Since moving to Norway my thoughts on happiness have drastically changed and I am more laid back and thankful.

  7. It is so hard for me to have this slow and steady focus. I hope to do better in 2018.

  8. How inspiring! It must have been a difficult, rough journey for you but you made it! Your toughness and determination to succeed is awesome. I may have been in similar situations but you are one strong woman. And yes, I agree. The turtle always wins.

  9. Congrats on your Master's! I believe that happiness comes from within and not from how much or little you have in the bank.

  10. I totally love this post and can resonate with all of it! Happiness is such a different thing for every person!!! And omg, a 100 page go girl!!!

  11. Continue doing you and taking care of your children. Shero for real. No hurries. We can all stand to chill out. Take a look around there is a reason to be happy every day that you are living.

  12. You go girl! Congrats on getting your Masters! That's such a big deal!

  13. Interesting approach to happiness. I agree that our notions of happiness are informed by society and may not actually be true.

  14. Oh...this was so on time. My word is focus...finally focusing on me. Such a change but I am worthy. Focusing on me at this stage of my life is long overdue and seriously brings me joy. Thank you for your words!

  15. I love the idea that happiness fluctuates. It depends on where we are in life. Thanks for that insight.

  16. Kudos to you for putting you first!!! Congratulations on getring yout Master's Degree. It's something to be proud of. And with the kids. Major kudos to you because I wouldn't have been able too.
    Keep on putting you and your kids first. Your happiness matters more than anything!!

  17. I think happiness in general is an outstanding goal to enter the new year with!

  18. I can definitely relate to trying to find happiness through material things. We've been forced to think that being rich equals being happy when that's just not true.

  19. What a wonderful positive post. Kids today think everything should happen NOW and this is a great post about it takea time to get it right. Good on you and well done x


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